


Just A Lie

by HallowsEve



Series: Blurred Lines [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Depressed Steve Rogers, Dirty Talk, Explicit Language, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, Multi, Oral Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallowsEve/pseuds/HallowsEve
Summary: Sister fic to the “Blurred Lines” series. The chapters in this story will line up with the 3rd story (Just A night), chapter to chapter. This will be the story told as through Steve’s POV only.





	1. Hello!

Hello!!

Welcome to the telling of _Just A Night_ through Steve’s eyes. I’m a firm believer that you need both sides of a story to truly make a judgment call and for a small handful of readers in _Just A Night_ , Steve’s POV is crucial so this is for you guys! This story can be read as a stand-alone if you do not desire to read about Tony & Bucky, but please be aware this story WILL contain them.

In case you do not want to read the Blurred Lines series up to now here is the cliff notes:

Tony and Steve have been romantically involved for almost 3 years at the beginning of _Just A Night_ (just shy of 2.5 years together when Tony and Bucky start their affair). Tony and Bucky became close and began blurring the lines of right/wrong with mutual masturbation. Slowly over time they grew more entranced by one another and began light touches that ultimately culminated in their engaging in sex.

These chapters will be named the same as _Just A Night_ in order to make it easier on the readers who are reading both simultaneously to know where each character is at in the story line.

Thank you all for your support in this series and for you Steve supporters, I truly hope I make you proud with this!

XoXo,

HallowsEve


	2. It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds out about Tony and Bucky's affair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to lie, this chapter was brutal to write. I thought the angst was getting bad on the sister fic, but holy moly did this suck to write. Anyway, I hope this sheds some light for you readers who were wanting a Steve POV. :)

Steve was dreaming.

He had to be.

Any moment now Natasha would lightly shake his shoulder to rouse him and they’d both pretend she didn’t see the string of drool that was hanging from the corner of Steve’s mouth. Though they’d both know she did see it.

He _had_ to be dreaming because there is no way what he was seeing could be true.

Yet, he wasn’t dreaming.

The pounding in his ears told him he was awake.

The watering of his eyes told him he was awake.

The hallow ache in his chest told him he was awake.

What he was seeing was real. And what a devastating sight it was.

Steve had come home early after his successful mission. Of course there had been the quick pit stop in Wakanda to pick up the small black box that was resting safely in his pants pocket, but he had still managed to make it home early to surprise Tony and it turns out he was the one to be surprised. For there was the man he loved and adored above all, lying naked and covered in love bites and bruises Steve most certainly did not put there, wrapped in the arms of none other than James Buchanan Barnes.

Despite the super solider serum having corrected all his health ailments, Steve was sure he was having an asthma attack. He couldn’t breathe. The vice in his chest was closing and his vision was narrowing. His right hand went numb and his duffel fell from his fingers. His body appeared to be going into survival mode, forcing him from the room and slamming the door behind him.

Without any conscious effort, his feet carried his body to the elevator that showed up immediately when he called it. It was as though JARVIS had kept it there waiting for him.

Steve rode down the elevator quietly, eyes staring, but not really seeing. His mind could not forget the sight he had seen. How could they? How could Tony cheat on him? And with _Bucky_ of all people?! His best friend!

The bile rose in his throat, threatening to choke him or make him puke. His arms were tingling and suddenly, without warning, Steve had the irresistible urge to punch something hard.

“JARVIS, gym.” Steve called out, eyes unfocused on the brushed nickel elevator doors.

“Yes, Captain Rogers.” The monotone replied and moments later the elevator came to a halt, opening to reveal Natasha and Clint.

“Hey, Cap.” Clint called automatically before actually seeing the blonde man. Immediately his smile slipped into a worried frown. He opened his mouth to ask Steve if he were okay, but was cut off by Natasha.

“Steve, what is it?” Natasha was in the elevator in a blink, touching Steve’s shoulder gently to rouse the man from his thoughts. His face was pale and grey, his blue eyes clouded by pain and a slight glisten that promised tears.

“I...” Steve trailed off as he was choked by pain. “Tony cheated on me.”

The words were like a dagger in Steve’s heart. Verbal confirmation that what he saw was real. It was devastating.

“What?” Natasha hissed, eyes darting to Clint as though non-verbally confirming he heard the same words. Clint looked a cross between shocked and angered.

“With Bucky.” Steve whispered, closing his eyes tightly. He could feel Natasha’s hand tighten slightly on his shoulder and shook his head to cut off any scathing remark she had. “Not now, Nat. Please, just not now.”

Steve shrugged Natasha off and raced passed Clint, the urge to hit coursing through his veins at a frightening pace. He absentmindedly wondered if this was how Bruce felt when the Hulk was on the verge of taking over. If so, he felt for the man because it was terrible.

Thoughts began coursing through his mind. Loser. Unwanted. Pathetic. Weak.

Steve felt the them weighing him down like a wet blanket. He wasn’t Captain America in modern times. He felt like Steven Grant Rogers. Skinny boy from Brooklyn who no dames or fellas wanted to waste their time on. Why would they? Especially when they had someone as beautiful and confident as Bucky available. Of course Tony would want Bucky over Steve, it was a reality that Steve faced before and apparently was something he still couldn’t escape.

Could he really blame Tony? Bucky was charismatic and funny. He had a wicked sense of humor like Tony and a smile that could drop the panties off a nun. Hell, Bucky could literally have any guy or girl he set his eyes on. Much like Tony. It made sense they got together. Both were far more experienced than Steve. His abilities in bed no doubt bored someone as intense as Tony.

Steve lost himself to his thoughts, not realizing he had stopped in the gym at a punching bag. Or that he was relentlessly pounding one. He didn’t know how much time passed. Could have been minutes. Could have been hours. It didn’t matter. He was alone. Like always. Doomed to never have the love of his life. First had been Bucky. His best friend whom never saw him as anything other than a friend and occasional bed buddy when he had no one else to be with. Then Peggy. Sweet, caring, strong, understanding Peggy whom he never even had the chance to see what could bloom before he went in the ice. Finally, Tony. Charismatic and larger than life itself, Tony. He had been Steve’s first real relationship beyond a casual sexual encounter and he had fallen hard and fast for the engineer.

 “I’m sorry.” 

Tony’s slightly shakey words were like a glass of ice water over Steve’s nerves, forcing him from his thoughts. Of course he’d be nervous, probably afraid Steve was about to break down and cry. Fuck, he really wanted to.

“How long?” Steve asked, his back turned to his lover and friend and arms still frantically punching the bag. It felt impossible to stop. He just needed to hit and hit and hit.  

“Last night.” Bucky replied and color Steve irritated because there was no way that was correct.

“Really?” Steve’s tone was skeptical as he turned to face the two men. “Just last night?”

“Uhhh –“ Tony stuttered out uselessly. So they _were_ lying. Of course they were.  

“So longer than last night.” Steve nodded, biting his bottom lip and clenching his fists. God, did he even really want to know?

“Last night was the first night we had sex.”

Steve felt the anger inside himself grow at Tony’s admission. His eyes widened and darted between the two men, Tony looking pale and worried and Bucky was wiping his face with a sigh.

“How long have you two been sneaking behind my back and screwing around?” Steve’s voice steadily rose with each word.

“We never touched each other’s dicks before last night. Just watched and some other non-dick touching.”

Steve felt his throat close and he could help the choked sound that escaped him. He sounded like a dying animal calling for help. He felt like one too.

“I’m sorry.” Tony repeated uselessly. As though those two words would just undo everything. 

“Sorry?” Steve sneered in a way that must have put Bucky on caution as he stepped slightly closer to Tony as though to shield him from any threat. Really? Like Steve would _ever_ hurt someone he loved. “You’re sorry? For what? For fucking around with my best friend behind my back or that I found out?”

"Steve! Language!” Really, Tony? Seriously?!  

“Tony, shut up.” Bucky quietly mumbled from his side before turning back to Steve. “I swear, Stevie, we were gonna tell you.”

“When. Did. This. Start?” Each word was a forced calm. He didn’t even know why he felt he needed to know. Masochistic streak? No, that’s not it. He just needed to know exactly how dumb he had been. How long he had been blind.

“Last night was the first night we had sex.” Bucky flatly retorted, raising his hand when Steve opened to interrupt. “We began masturbating together, just watching, 6 months ago.”

Steve looked away, shaking his head. His eyes focused on everything and yet nothing, this was too much. _Months_. For months they had been lying to him and sneaking behind his back. Every kiss from Tony was a lie. Every time they made love it was a lie. Every laugh he and Bucky shared was a lie. They probably laughed about him when they got together. Swapping stories about how hopeless and pathetic he was. He was pathetic.

_“Everything special about you came out of a bottle_.”*

Those had been Tony’s exact words when they had met. Hell, had that opinion ever even changed? Steve felt his anger rise as the insecurity set in. How dare Tony play him like that. How dare he make Steve fall in love just to throw it back in his face? Was it a joke? The mere idea was too much to bear and without thinking, Steve turned around and punched the punching bag one time with enough force he split the bag up the side and sand came pouring out. He could only stare blankly.

“6 months.” Steve whispered. “That’s great. Just great.”

Tony took a step forward. “Steve –“

“Don’t!” Steve hissed, raising his hand and stepping away. “Just…don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Tony mumbled softly and fuck it all Steve could almost believe that fake sincerity. “I never meant to hurt you, Steve. I love you so much and –“

“No, you don’t.” Steve interrupted softly because really? That’s what he was going with? “Not if you two are doing this.”

Tony opened, but all that came out was a choked groan.

“Jesus, did you ever love me?” Steve turned his head towards Tony, blue eyes cold and accusing. The man could at least admit it. What did he have to lose? “Or what? Was I just some fun for you?”

“That’s not fair, Stevie.” Bucky angrily responded. Tony stood frozen in place, head shaking and brown eyes watering. “No one used you.”

“Or was I just too boring in bed for your tastes?” Steve continued on as though Bucky hadn’t spoken. “What was it that turned you to him?”

“I love him.” Tony’s words were so soft, nearly inaudible, but Steve caught it.

Though time had moved on, nothing had changed. Once again Steve was facing rejection for Bucky. Perfect, charming Bucky. He had been fooling himself thinking he was worthy of someone as amazing as Tony. The man was brilliant, charming, attractive, generous, kind, flamboyant, and a million other amazing things all wrapped up in one package. Of course he’d want someone worthy of that and Steve wasn’t it. Steve felt the fight leave him, his body slumping and eyes clouding with tears.

“Well good for you.” Steve scoffed, wiping at his tears angrily before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the ring box and chucking it at Tony. Tony barely caught it and gasped when it finally caught his attention what he was holding. He was probably struggling with the desire to laugh. Of course it had been a silly thought to think Tony would ever marry someone as worthless as Steve. “You might as well keep it because Lord knows I’ll never want to look at it again.”

“Steve –“ Tony whispered and Steve could actually feel his stare, but he didn’t look at him. No, he was too busy looking at the man who looked like his best friend, but was so clearly not. Fuck, how long had Steve been holding onto that hope that Bucky was Bucky? It was like seeing the man for the first time.

“Go ahead, I can take it.” Bucky held his hands out in welcoming gesture.

“You were right.” Steve took a calming breath, willing the urge to cry to keep at bay.

“You have said to me countless times that you aren’t the Bucky I knew.” He knew he sounded so saddened by the revelation, but couldn’t be worked up to care. He was just thankful he hadn’t started crying yet. “That the Bucky I knew was gone and I never once believed that. Not once. I have always said you were the Bucky I have known and loved since the day you found me in that alley. I never believed it, until now.”

Bucky had no outward reaction beyond a clenched jaw. His eyes didn’t reflect any emotional reaction.

“You’re absolutely right. The Bucky Barnes I knew would never have done this to me. He would have never betrayed me and gone behind my back and taken the man I love. He was like a brother to me and would have died before ever hurting me.” Steve let out a choked cry, his face contorting in grief. “You’re absolutely right. My Bucky Barnes, my best friend is dead.”

The room was stifling and Steve felt the need to escape it. Like now! Without giving either man another glance, Steve raced out of the gym and towards the elevator. He wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry when Natasha stepped into the elevator behind him, clearly having heard the entire conversation. Apparently his body made the decision for him and like a child, Steve’s legs gave out and the man crumpled to the floor unable to stop the sobs from escaping him.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Natasha whispered into his hair as she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. Steve had nothing to say in response. What could he say? He had been foolish? Tony was right. Everything that was special about him came out of a bottle. Steven Grant Rogers was nobody special. Just some dumb punk from Brooklyn.

“That’s not true!”

Steve was shocked from his tears at Natasha’s angered tone. Looking up at her he was surprised to see her face, one that was normally so stoic and emotionless, twisted into an angered sneer. It was damn frightening.

“You are an amazing man, Steve, with or without the serum.” Steve furrowed his brows in confusion for a moment until he realized that he must have spoken his thoughts. Natasha stared at him with a soul piercing gaze. It was borderline comforting and unnerving. “All that serum did was make you taller, stronger and cured your health ailments. Everything else is you. The bravery, intelligence, values, kindness, all of what’s inside has always been there. Nothing could make that.”

He wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that he was something special, but if that were true, then why couldn’t he have love? Why couldn’t he have happiness? It seemed a cruel fate to always fall in love and then lose it. They say it’s better to love and lost than never having loved at all, but Steve didn’t know that he believed it. It would have been a kinder life to never have known the warmth of a lover’s embrace as it only made the cold of an empty bed worse.

“I need to get out of here.” Steve mumbled quietly, blue eyes pleading with Natasha to understand. They had formed a close bond over the years and the last thing he would ever want to do is damage that bond by leaving.

“Sam will be happy to see you.” Natasha smiled gently and ran her hands through Steve’s hair in what felt like a motherly gesture. Perhaps she didn’t intend it to be, but it was warm and comforting to Steve. Almost as though his own mother was there, non-verbally telling him she understood and it was okay.

“My stuff…I –“ His throat closed off and stopped all speech. He’d be forced to go back into their room, the same room he had shared with Tony and had been defiled by the betrayal of Tony and Bucky.

“Pepper can do it.” Natasha stated firmly. “She knows what’s Tony’s.”

Of course, Pepper, but that meant they’d have to tell her what happened. She’d learn just how unsatisfying Steve was as a lover, boyfriend and friend. How pointless that ring that she had helped design had been. Though, it was only a matter of time until the entire team knew. Steeling his nerve, Steve nodded his head and wiped his face. He was the leader, their Captain, he needed to be strong. He needed to lead them past this and prove that this would not break them apart.

“Thanks, Nat.” Steve tried a smile, but it fell short and looked more of a grimace.

Natasha smiled softly and ducked her head, opting to ignore the gratitude. It didn’t offend Steve. He knew she was still struggling with her own demons and at times felt less than deserving of _any_ gratitude or kindness. “My floor, please JARVIS.”

"Very well, Miss Romanoff.”

* * *

“Steve, oh god, I’m so sorry.”

Pepper had barely entered Natasha’s living room before dropping her suitcase and sitting down next to a very downcast Steve, wrapping him up in a tight hug.

“I just, ugh.” Pepper cut off with a soft growl, squeezing Steve in a way that was rather impressive given her slender stature. “I could strangle him.”

“Please don’t.” Steve pulled out of Pepper’s embrace and forced himself to look her in the eye. He was surprised to see only empathy in her eyes. There was no pity that he had feared may be present. “I’m sorry to ask this of you, but –“

“Your stuff.” Pepper cut in gently, covering his fidgeting hands with one of her own soft, cool slender hands. “I can do that.”

“Just the basics for now.” Steve hurriedly stated. “I’d like to leave as soon as possible.”

“Okay.” Pepper looked down at her lap quickly, but Steve swore it almost looked like her eyes had misted over. Pepper swallowed several times and nodded her head, looking up at Steve with the determination of a woman on a mission. “May I ask where you’re going?”

“DC, I think.” Steve shrugged helplessly. “I haven’t even called Sam and I don’t know how Phil or Maria will react. I know this will put stress on the Avengers and –“

“Steve, stop worrying.” Natasha interrupted, standing in the doorway between her living room and small kitchen. “They’ll understand and so do we.”

“I just don’t want this to cause any issues for you guys.” Steve willed the lump forming once again in his throat to subside. He’d already had one breakdown and that was enough. At least until he was alone. And in DC. Far away from anyone else who needed him to be strong.

“This won’t and, Steve, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” Pepper kindly stated. “Sometimes you need to put you first.”

Steve nodded, but he knew that they all knew that it wasn’t something Steve normally did. It’s just not who he was.

“Steve, I hate to ask,” Pepper took a deep breath and looked almost pained by the words she was about to say. He knew what she was going to ask and wanted to spare her the misery of doing so, but for the life of him he couldn’t get his voice to work. “I know you stopped in Wakanda. Did you want to hold onto it? Or return it? I could take care of that for you.”

Steve blinked rapidly against the burning in his eyes. He had planned such a romantic evening for Tony and him. Nothing flashy or over the top, but something heartfelt and romantic. Something that fit _them_ perfectly. Or what he thought was them. Hell, did he even know? He realized he must have been silent too long when he felt Pepper squeeze his hand gently in silent support. Steve cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“I, uh, Tony has it.” Steve couldn’t look up. He knew Natasha would have that questioning look in her eye and he couldn’t admit that he had been foolish enough to design a ring for Tony and planned on proposing to the man.

“Okay.” Pepper, ever the professional didn’t even miss a beat. “Is there anything else you need us to do? I can get you on a jet in less than an hour if you’d like.”

“Please.” Steve rushed out, feeling like a weight had lift off his shoulders. It was cowardly running away, but he needed to. He needed distance between himself and Tony and Bucky. Watching them would be a new form of torture that Steve just wasn’t strong enough to handle right now. Perhaps someday, but not today.

“I can speak to Phil if you’d like, Steve.” Steve nearly jumped at Natasha’s gentle tone. He had thought she had left the room given how quiet she had been.

“No, thank you, I can.” Steve clenched his jaw. He was the Captain, it was expected of him to handle things as such and he would see that he followed through. “Pepper, I know you’ll have to release a statement –“

“Steve, it’s okay.” Pepper softly assured him.

“No.” Steve shook his head and closed his eyes tightly against everything. God, he wanted to just disappear. “I don’t want anyone thinking this will affect the Avengers because it doesn’t. The public needs to know that our mission comes first and I won’t allow this to affect my work on the team.”

“Do you want me to say something specific?” Pepper’s eyes darted to Natasha who only shrugged in response. The entire silent dialogue going unnoticed by Steve, who was still staring at his lap.

“Just say it was a mutual decision.” Steve mumbled softly.

“You don’t have to do that. I can leave out the details entirely.” Pepper, god love her patience, tried, but Steve wasn’t having it. He knew how the media worked. He may not have been off ice for too many years, but he had learned firsthand just how vicious the media was. If they weren’t given an exact statement with as many details as possible, it left too much room for question and interpretation and he could not have any of their enemies thinking that their team was falling apart. It would leave them vulnerable and that’s not what they needed. It’s not what the public needed.

“No. If you don’t give them a firm statement, they’ll just make something up.” Steve finally raised his head, only to let it fall back against his couch, staring at the ceiling. He was exhausted. He felt physically, mentally and emotionally drained.

“Okay.” Pepper nodded. “I’ll draft it and email it to you to review and make any changes.”

The blonde super soldier couldn’t help the small smile at Pepper’s kindness. Though it was a small gesture, her offering to let him have a part in it told him that she knew just how much he needed some control over this situation given how much of it had been completely out of his control. Whether it was the soldier in him or just his own personality, he felt most secure when he had control.

“Well, I’ll gather you stuff and meet you back here in 45 minutes. I’ll have a helicopter pick you up on the roof and take you to the airport and the jet will be waiting.” Pepper firmly stated, squeezing Steve’s hand one last time before rising from her seat and running her hands over the front of her black pencil skirt and dark green silk blouse. She only made it two feet though before her steps were stopped with a hand on her wrist.

“Thank you, Pepper, for everything.” Steve smiled sadly, trying to convey just how much he appreciated all her help. Not just her help today, but over the years he had lived there and been with Tony. She had grown to be family to him, like Natasha had, almost like a sister and he loved her for it. He worried that perhaps he failed to show that seems Pepper did not react for nearly a solid minute before finally tears flooded her eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Steve. You are a good man and deserved so much better than this.” It was ultimately the quiver in her voice that broke his ability to keep his tears at bay. Instead he tucked his head into her neck and allowed himself the moment to once again grieve everything that was lost. Another future stolen from him. Another love ripped from his grasp. “If you need anything at all, I don’t care the time, please don’t hesitate to call me. I’m your friend too, Steve, and I’m here for you.”


	3. It's Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky confronts Steve in DC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support on this sister fic. I'm beyond thrilled about the response it has received thus far and so glad I'm not alone in wanting Steve to be happy. We'll get there, I promise!

Time was a paradox to Steve. The month that had passed since the demise of his relationship with Tony and his sudden departure felt as though it had flown by, yet dragged on. He still felt the keen ache in his chest at the memory of finding Tony and Bucky, yet he was finding it easier with every breath to move forward. 

Love was far more complicated than he ever realized before.

Love had always been simple to him. You met someone, you clicked with them, you fell in love and the rest was history. It had been that simple for his ‘ma. She had loved Steve’s father and in return had the love of the love of her life. Steve had always hoped he would be as fortunate as her and find that special someone and spend his life with them, but love had proven to be far more complicated.

His love for Bucky went unrequited. He had gone into the ice before he could even make a go with Peggy and she had passed away 2 years before he awoke. Tony had loved him and yet still cheated on him. 3 times Steve had loved. 3 times Steve had lost. It hurt far more than he wanted to admit it.

"On your left.” Steve was shocked from his thoughts as Sam raced passed him, smirking playfully over his shoulder. Hell, he had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn’t realized he had slowed his typical jog pace down to practically walking.

“Very funny.” Steve called, smiling despite himself.

“I know.” Sam called back and Steve chuckled to hear the telltale pant that proved he was far more winded than Steve would be at that pace. The blonde shook his head of his thoughts and focused on his run, picking his pace back up until he was fast approaching Sam.

“On your left.” Steve laughed, passing by Sam despite the other man having gone into a sprint.

“Oh, come on!” Sam yelled and grit his teeth, pushing himself further for just a few yards until the burn in his lungs made running impossible. Sam came to a stop, leaning over and grabbing his knees, panting hotly. “Man, that ain’t right.”

“Come on, soldier, pick it up.” Steve laughed. “You’d never make it in the Army.”

“And that’s why I was in the Air Force.” Sam pant, ignoring Steve who was jogging small circles around him. “Less running.”

Steve chuckled gently and stopped jogging and finally came to rest next to Sam, patting him on the back. “Alright, you did good though. At least managed to pass me.”

“Yeah,” Sam snorted, pulling himself into an upright position and looking at Steve with an amused and exhausted expression. “’Cause your head wasn’t in the game today.”

“No, no it wasn’t.” Steve sighed, looking over at Washington Monument. His mind most certainly hadn’t been focused on running and the normal calm and peace he found during his daily 15 mile route. It would have been impossible, especially considering he had received a text message from Pepper warning him that Bucky had boarded a jet just before he left his SHIELD apartment.

“Wanna talk about it?” Sam offered kindly. There was no pressure in his question, just pure concern. Truthfully, Sam had been probably grown to be one of his closest friends over the past month. He had spent countless hours just listening to Steve vent, yell, cry and never once made Steve feel judged by it.

“Bucky,” Steve started, sighing when even mentioning his name made that pesky ache flare up. “He’s apparently coming here.”

Sam reared back in surprise, furrowing his brows. “Why? Natasha not available for our next mission?”

“No clue.” Steve shrugged helplessly. He had no idea what would bring Bucky to DC. Sure, it was immature, but Phil had assured him he understood Steve’s request to keep Tony and Bucky off their missions when possible. He hadn’t even given Steve a moment hesitation agreeing to that. So Bucky was most definitely not coming to DC for SHIELD purposes which just made him feel even more uneasy.

“Well, he certainly ain’t got any reason to be here unless Hydra is involved.” Sam pursed his lips and furrowed his brows in thought. “Though I don’t think it’s Hydra either. As far as we know he’s been quiet.”

Steve stared at Sam in shock. They had been watching Bucky? Still?! Even after Steve and Tony had worked so hard to get him cleared?

“Until that programming gets taken care of, Steve, SHIELD’s gonna watch him.” Sam offered the answer to the unspoken question and it made sense. Especially since they recently discovered on their last mission a week ago that there was a book in existence that detailed exactly how they managed to wipe away Bucky’s memories and code him into being the Winter Soldier. Steve had thrown up immediately after finding out. It wasn’t fair. Even though he wasn’t talking to Bucky, he sure as hell didn’t want his best..er…former best friend to be at the mercy of Hydra. No one deserved that.

“I don’t know why he’s coming, but I’m not exactly thrilled about it.” Steve hated the weight that settled on his shoulders. A familiar weight that always seemed to go into place whenever he really thought about having to face Tony and Bucky.

"Makes sense.” Sam nodded. “How ‘bout we get a drink tonight?”

“I can’t get drunk.” Steve frowned when Sam shrugged and began walking away backwards, smiling at his friend.

“But I can! And I need a drink before we ship out again.” 

Steve only nodded in understanding and remained still as Sam turned and walked away. Normally this would have been the point in which Steve would return to his SHIELD apartment and have a big breakfast before reporting to HQ to work on assisting training new recruits, but not this morning. This morning he needed more running to hopefully clear his head. If that didn’t work, well, then there was always the gym.

* * *

9 bags.

Phil was going to kill him. He had only been in the gym for less than 3 hours and had already destroyed 9 punching bags. 20 minutes was not the typical shelf life for a punching bag, or hadn’t been for a while, so it wasn’t like SHIELD had an endless supply of them. Now he’d have to explain why he had gone through 9 out of 10 punching bags that they had on hand. Though, knowing Phil, he’d probably just sigh in that disappointed way he made a habit of and just order more. Or worse, he’d be empathetic and not even allow his face to slip into a frown. That’d be way worse.

He knew why he was being so destructive. Bucky. The man had landed in DC and thanks to Pepper and Natasha he knew Bucky was en route to the SHIELD HQ. Which meant Steve could no longer avoid him and wasn’t that just unfair? He wasn’t ready to face Bucky. He wasn’t ready to look him in the face after knowing Bucky not only didn’t love him, but had fallen in love with the man Steve loved. Ugh. Life was just cruel. And that cruelty just made Steve angry. He had always done his best to be a good man and a good soldier and yet he still couldn’t catch a break.

“Bag offend you, Stevie?”

Steve went rigid against his own will. It was a Pavlovian response to not only Bucky’s voice, but the familiarity the man used. They weren’t on nickname terms! Steve had been shocked into stillness by it and kept his back to Bucky, staring at the punching bag. The urge to hit, hard, was again alive in his veins. He hated it. He didn’t want to hit Bucky, but on the same token oh god did he ever. Just punch him in his handsome face.

“You always did push yourself too hard. Stubborn punk, didn’t know when to back down.” Steve swallowed the bile that was rising and forced the fight or flight urge to simmer down when he heard the door close. He could do this. He was a professional and could do this.

“What do you want, Barnes?” Steve’s voice was ice as he violently unwrapped the tape off his hands, hating how his white shirt clung to his slightly sweaty back. He felt naked looking so casual in his shirt and grey sweat pants .

“Well, for you to turn around for starters.” Bucky stopped a few feet away and Steve knew it was intentional. He smirked slightly to himself. At least Bucky knew he could kick his ass if he wanted. And he sort of did. Though it would solve nothing, it would feel a little uplifting to knock him around. He wouldn’t though. Steve was better than that and wasn’t that just irritating? Sometimes it sucked to always hold yourself to such a high standard.

With an annoyed exhale out his nose, Steve turned around and looked at his (former) friend, his blue eyes still hard and angry and jaw set. He wasn’t smarting for a fight per se, but he certainly was prepared for one.

“What?” He snapped when Bucky didn’t immediately start talking. Did they have to drag this out?

“You know why I’m here, Stevie.” Bucky was so calm it was only further irritating Steve. Of course he’d be calm though, why would he be worked up? It’s not like he was the one who had been betrayed or hurt.

“No, I really don’t.” The blonde super soldier tossed the tapes into the trashcan, completely missing the perfect shot. “I’m pretty sure there’s nothing left to say.”

“You know that’s not true. I think there’s plenty left to say.” Bucky crossed his arms and screw him for being unmoved by all this.

“I don’t.”

"Fine, I have plenty left to say.” Bucky rolled his eyes and that was just the end for Steve. He didn’t need to do this. Sam had even confirmed he didn’t need to talk to Bucky or Tony until he was ready and he certainly wasn’t. The twitch in his right arm confirmed that. It was all still too raw.

“Well, I’m not exactly interested in hearing anything you have to say.” Steve finally moved passed Bucky, arching his body so that they did not touch even the barest hint of a brush. “So unless this is related to SHIELD, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Steve closed his eyes and willed his heart to calm, but it did the exact opposite when Bucky grabbed his arm firmly. Instinctively Steve turned and socked him straight in the face. It was frustrating how good it felt.

“Jesus, Stevie, does it always have to end with blood?” Bucky hissed and arched his neck back to prevent the blood from slipping down. Steve knew he didn’t break Bucky’s nose, he didn’t hit him hard enough for that, but damn was it worth it to see the crimson trickle of blood.

“Fuck you, Barnes.” Steve barked automatically because screw him for thinking he could even try to play wounded by that hit. He more than had it coming. And screw him for looking like it hurt. It just made Steve feel worse and that was playing all kinds of hell with his already confusing thoughts.

“I get it, you’re still pissed.” Bucky raised his hands in what appeared to be a placating fashion. “You have reason to be. I’m just asking for you to hear me out.”

"Why should I?” Steve crossed his arms and glared at the brunette man. “Why should I listen to a word you have to say? What could you possibly have to tell me that you haven’t already –“

“Well if you shut up and give me a moment, you’d know!” Bucky interrupted annoyed and quite honestly Steve was thankful for it. He had a habit of just blabbing when he felt uncomfortable and usually put his foot into his mouth and that’s the last thing he wanted. His jaw shut with an audible click, but his posture did not relent. It was as good as Bucky was getting from him.

“I get it, I do. We fucked up. We own that. I own that. I shouldn’t have moved in on Tony behind your back, but I’m not going to apologize for loving him, Stevie. Jesus, you of all people should know how easy it is to fall in love with him.” Bucky wiped his nose with the edge of his black shirt and Steve had to force himself to keep his eyes up. Even angry with Bucky, Steve could still appreciate how beautiful the man was, but it would do him no good to even remotely give in. It hadn’t gotten him anywhere before now and it would be best to keep his head on straight.

“We shouldn’t have messed around behind your back, but that morning was the first time we’d ever slept together. That was the first time we crossed the line –“

“Crossed the line?!” Steve interrupted angrily because seriously?! “Do you even understand how far before that you crossed the line? Do you think it was appropriate to jerk off with MY boyfriend right there? While I was gone? If you thought nothing was wrong with it then why not tell me then?”

"Because we knew you’d be pissed!” Yeah, no kidding!

“No shit!” Steve bellowed, looking away and taking several deep breaths. He was above this. He was above unnecessary swearing. “Of course I would have been angry. It wasn’t right and you know that!”

“I know.” Bucky conceded gently.

“Then what is there left to say? I’m done listening to your apologies and your excuses.” Steve crossed his arms, a defensive gesture because this was becoming too much. He hated knowing how easy it was for Bucky to see the hurt that was still there. Hell, they probably went on without him like his departure had done nothing and could he blame them for it? They had each other. Why would they even need to think about him?

“Tony misses you. I miss you.” Bucky pushed on. “He loves you, Stevie. We both do and you know that. So why won’t you give us the chance to make this right? I know you still love him. I know you love me.”

And didn’t that just hurt having Bucky point out their “brotherly” love and throwing his love for Tony back in his face. No, he wouldn’t allow Bucky to play him like that.

“Tony loves me, right.” Steve snorted.

"Don’t’ do that.” Bucky’s tone was hard and had a hint of threat in it. “Don’t you dare try to say Tony doesn’t love you.”

“He loves me so much he cheated on me.” Steve shook his head sadly because despite it being a month, man did it still burn fiercely. “That’s not love.”

“You van love more than one person, punk.” Bucky uselessly supplied as if Steve was an idiot and didn’t know that was possible. Of course you could. He had been in love with Bucky when he fell in love with Peggy and still loved them both when he met Tony. “Are you telling me that loving Tony made you love Peggy any less?”

Oh all kinds of hell no to that one. Steve couldn’t have stopped his fist from flying at that if he had wanted to, which he didn’t because that was a low ass blow and Buck earned that hit 10 times over.

“Don’t you dare bring Peggy into this! This is completely different!” The blonde’s hands shook at his side with the effort of trying to stave off another hit.

"No, it’s really not.” Bucky shook his head and stood his ground, though his arms were in a more defensive posture as though ready to defend against another hit. “You still love ‘er right? She still has a place in your heart?”

“Peggy will always be important to me.” Steve whispered angrily because this was just cruel. Did Bucky really need to bring up all the loves he had lost? Steve got it, Bucky won, he was clear just how much Bucky and Tony didn’t love him. What he wasn’t clear on was what he had ever done to his friend to deserve this cruelty. “She was the first dame I ever fell for, who ever saw me for me. She saw me before I was the soldier and she continued to see me after. Don’t you dare try to say this is the same thing>”

“But you fell in love with Tony anyway.” Bucky’s tone was gentle, but it didn’t make the words sting any less.

“Because Peggy was gone!” Ugh, now he was crying. Steve had never hated Bucky as much as he did at this moment. “I woke up from the ice and the woman I loved was gone. All I had were memories of a date I missed and an update from SHIELD that she had died in her sleep 2 years before I woke up. Peggy was gone and I had to try to move on.”

“And you fell in love.”

“Yes, I did.” Steve nodded. “I fell in love with Tony. I didn’t intend to, but I did.”

"Like me.” Bucky interjected as though it made some point beyond causing Steve pain of knowing he never had the same type of love directed at him by Bucky. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but I did. Like _you_ did. Can you not see how that happened?”

"No.” Steve admitted sadly. It was so not the same thing. “No. I would not have ever allowed myself to go down that path if I had Peggy. I would never had done that to her. Just like I would never have done that to Tony.”

God, didn’t Bucky get it?! Love was so precious to Steve and when he loved someone, he loved them with everything he had. He gave them his sole focus because that’s what you did when you were in love.

"Jesus, Stevie, my point is that you loved Peggy, but still fell in love with Tony. You just told me you loved 2 people at one time. That’s my point.”

“What is the point in this conversation? My feelings for Tony were never in question, it were his feelings that were obviously faltering.” Steve hated admitting that. It just reopened and salted that already gaping wound to remind himself that he had loved Tony in a way the man had not returned.

“He loves you, you idiot. You know this. I can’t believe you’d even question it!”

“How could I not? He was messing around with you behind my back. Who does that to someone they love?” Steve’s nostrils flared with his controlled breaths to prevent himself from either lashing out again or sobbing. It was damn hard too.

“It wasn’t to hurt you. Why can’t you understand that?” Bucky asked and it nearly made Steve bark a cold bitter laugh. How could Bucky actually stand there and tell him that _he_ was the one not understanding things. “I get it, we hurt you, but we didn’t set out to. It just got out of control.”

"I’m done.” Steve huffed, turning around and walking towards the door. He was so passed this conversation it was not even funny. “I’m not going round and around with you about this. I said my piece and I’m done.”

“I’m not!” Bucky moved to stand in front of the door, blocking Steve’s escape. “He loves you and wants you back.”

“Bully for him. Now move.” Steve knew Bucky could see the flare of hope in his eyes and he hated it. He hated that he still struggled with the desire to return to New York and beg Tony to take him back. He hated that he still wished Tony loved him. Hope helped nothing.

“Have you ever heard of polyamory?” Bucky cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes and Steve could feel that calculating look deeply. Steve shook his head no out of confusion of how right field this conversation went as well as what Bucky was even talking about. “It’s when more than 2 people enter into a relationship.”

“Tony wants to be in a relationship with you and me at the same time?” Steve’s asked almost incredulously because really? Tony wanted them both?

“Yes. He just loves you so much he’s not willing to ask. We both would date Tony. Or we could all 3 date each other.” Steve’s knees nearly gave way as pain overwhelmed him. He always hoped that he hid his feelings from his friend, who had made it more than clear when they were younger that Steve was just an occasional side piece, but here was Bucky now suggesting something so casually as though he hadn’t nearly knocked all oxygen from Steve’s lungs. Steve had no words. He couldn’t find them let alone force them out.

"He loves you, Stevie. So much. This is so black and white for you, but it’s really not if you stop and look at it. He couldn’t help his feelings just like I couldn’t. We fell in love with each other right in front of you and you never even cared. You smiled when we bantered. You looked so happy that we were getting along.” Bucky continued on, unknowing just how painful every word was. How much Steve would have loved to have both these beautiful and wonderful men in his life, but hating how they only now would accept him into the love they had created without reason. Was it guilt?

“Part of the reason I even fell in love with Tony was because of you.” Bucky confessed. “You made him so happy and he was so beautiful that way. You don’t even know how he looked at you. Like you put the sun in the sky. Can’t you give us a chance to try to make this right. Give us a chance to prove this could work.”

“It couldn’t.” Steve choked out. It couldn’t work out because though Steve loved Tony and Bucky, he couldn’t side on the sidelines to their love and only accept scraps. Despite loving them, he was human and he wanted that love in return. Even if he wasn’t worth someone’s pure unending love, he so desperately wanted it.

“It did. You just didn’t know. You didn’t know because what we were doing had nothing to do with the relationship he had with you. It didn’t change how he felt about you. You didn’t even suspect something was going on. He still loved you and was so happy.”

Steve’s head dropped down, hiding the pained tears. He had been so foolish to miss the signs that his boyfriend and best friend were developing something deep and profound.

“You’re right.” Steve admitted softly and took a minute to compose himself. He was thankful that Bucky was at least kind enough to give him that, but it didn’t work. When Bucky’s face dropped he knew when he raised his head the emotions were all there. The sadness. The love. The betrayal.

“You’re absolutely right. I didn’t suspect anything was going on.” Steve nodded unnecessarily. “Because I trusted him. And I trusted you.”

Steve forced the lump in his throat to subside and soldiered on when Bucky gave no response. “I trusted that Tony was faithful to me as I was to him. I trusted that your playful banter was just that, playful. I trusted that when I left and returned those kisses I got were true and for me only. I trusted you both and you both destroyed that.” Steve forcibly wiped away at his tears. “I’m assuming you two talked about this polyamorous relationship?”

Bucky nodded, but said nothing.

“Did you even think for a moment that perhaps I didn’t want it?” Steve smiled sadly because really, who’d want to be the unwanted third wheel? “Or the fact that a relationship like that would take open and honesty and most of all –“

“Trust” Bucky whispered, finishing Steve’s sentence. Steve nodded in agreement.

“I can’t trust you or Tony. I gave him my heart and look what he did to it. I loved you so much, Bucky, and look what you did with it. You both betrayed me and I could never trust you again. Not with my heart.” Steve nearly reared back when he realized he had just confessed his love for Bucky too, but at this point what did he have to lose? He’d already lost everything. “I will forgive you both, someday. We can work together and maybe even be friends, but I can’t ever trust either one of you with my heart again. I just can’t.”

Bucky nodded and Steve almost swore he saw tears misting the brunette’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Stevie.” Bucky choked out.

“I know you are. I believe it.” Steve admitted because he could see that remorse there, even if he wasn’t 100% sure what Bucky felt sorry for. “I just can’t trust you again. Not with this.”

Tense moments passed before Bucky finally stepped to the side and allowed Steve to pass. It was killing Steve to walk away. Though he had run away a month prior, walking away now was actually breaking his heart, but he had to do it. Though he loved Tony and Bucky, he had to protect himself because this pain was just too great. He was merely a man and though he tried to always put others before himself, he wasn’t strong enough to do it this time and he hated that.

“Make him happy, Buck.” Steve called over his shoulder, looking at Bucky with a pained smile. “He deserves to be happy. You too.”

“What about you?” Bucky asked in response, but Steve had none. Instead he just shrugged and walked away because Steve wasn’t strong enough to admit that perhaps he just wasn’t ever destined to be happy. Not really.

* * *

“You okay?” Sam asked, sipping at his beer and staring at the shelf of alcohols behind the bar. He knew Steve had a bad day when he caught wind that Bucky had paid the super soldier a visit. Sam was just pissed off he missed the former assassin. He wouldn’t have minded having a few rounds with the asshole. But of course he had missed Bucky, who tucked his tail and ran after his conversation with Steve.

“Someday.” Steve admitted with a snort.

"What Barnes want?” Sam finally looked over at Steve, his heart breaking for his friend.

“He wanted to talk to me about entering into a polyamorous relationship with Tony.” Steve shook his head sadly. Sam looked at Steve as though he had two heads.

“Seriously?”

“Yep.” Steve nodded.

“Huh.” Sam looked away thoughtfully, staring back at the shelves before him and losing himself in the noises from the crowded bar.

“What? You think I should do it?” Steve asked skeptically.

“Nah, I think you gotta do what you feel is right for you.” Sam stated, sipping at his beer once again. “I’m just surprised he’d even suggest it. He seems like the possessive type.”

“He’s really not.” Steve’s voice was sad and soft, nearly getting lost in the surrounding noise. “He’s a good guy with a good heart and I think he saw it as a way of everyone getting what they want.”

“But you don’t want it?” Sam looked back to Steve with his all-knowing expression. It was infuriating how well Sam had grown to know Steve.

“I want Tony. I love him, but –“ The blonde trailed off with a sigh, resting his elbows on the dark wood bar top and burying his hands in his hair.

“You can’t trust him.” Sam nodded understandingly. “I get it.”

“Is it stupid? Did I just make a huge mistake?”

Sam placed a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it gently in support. He knew Steve was struggling. There was absolutely no doubt he loved Tony and was devastated by what happened.

“It’s not stupid, Steve. It’s hard getting hurt and having someone betray you. Especially someone you love.”

"But should I have at least tried?” Steve looked to Sam with wide confused eyes. 

“I don’t know,” Sam admitted with a shrug. “But you don’t have to decide today. I’m pretty sure if you changed your mind at some point, they’d welcome you back.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped and his head slipped back down into his hands. He was the epitome of defeated man.

“I can’t.” Steve closed his eyes against the sting behind them. He loved Tony. Holy hell alive would Steve have walked through fire to save him, but today? He couldn’t even bear to see a photo of him. Not after knowing Tony could lie directly to him without even missing a beat. Hell, Tony had even smiled at him and whispered how much he loved him even after being with Bucky. How could he do that? How could Steve ever trust him after that? He didn’t think he ever could. Perhaps others could eventually, but Steve? He couldn’t. Not after a betrayal like that. As hard as it was, he was going to let Tony go because at the end of the day, was Tony ever really his?


	4. It's Painful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve struggles with some unexpected feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a LOT of work. Okay, so chapter 4 is back and it's staying. Right, wrong, indifferent, doesn't matter. I'm 110% happy with this chapter (well, maybe not any typos that I missed, but the actual content, yes) and it's where my story is going. I apologize for the massive delay in getting it back up. I struggled with this one A LOT. Like, way more than I want to admit, but I am very fortunate to have a very good friend who despite not even liking most Marvel characters, she was my sounding board. And boy oh boy was she brutal, but she gave me a BRILLIANT idea so I'll forgive her. So...without further adieu, I give you chapter 4. To those who read it, it'll look like I removed one element entirely and while that is true in some regards (he's single, calm down lol), he's still going to be able to fulfill my role for him. So yay! 
> 
> mysticgirl102 & AngeDeLaMisericorde -- I dedicate this chapter to you two. THANK YOU for being amazing and being supportive and more importantly HONEST. You two did me a huge favor with your reviews and I hope you two are pleased with my edit. I know I certainly am. :)

_Steve felt like his body was on fire in the most amazing way possible. His eyes were squeezed shut, heightening every other sensation. Strong hands stroked his inner thighs, teasing the crease in his legs where leg met hip. It was deliberate. Teasing Steve close to where he so desperately needed to be touched._

_“_ _Logan, please!” Steve begged, arching his back off the bed and pushing himself further down on the thick length that was buried inside him. It had been so long since he’d been taken like this and he needed it in the worst way imaginable. Yet, Logan just sat there, his hips cradling Steve’s firm ass, cock pressing against his prostate, but not moving._

_“Shhh, relax gorgeous.” Logan crooned and though Steve couldn’t see it, he knew the man had the most deliciously sinful smirk on his lips. It was a smirk he had directed at himself a few times recently._ _Those large hands bypassed the red, weeping cock that was lying against Steve’s abdomen in favor of caressing his chest and teasing his nipples. It felt amazing. Steve had no clue how sensitive those even were before Logan began circling them with a maddening slow touch. It was like the mutant was trying to drive Steve out of his mind. And he was succeeding…beautifully!_ _“_

_I need to come!” Steve panted hotly, finally opening his eyes to look at the stunning strong man who was kneeling and watching him with a possessive intensity. The look made him blush. Not out of embarrassment, but sheer desire and need. When Logan made no move beyond a deep grind, Steve whined in frustrated need. “Stop teasing me. Please, ugh….please, Logan.”_

_“You want it?” It was damn frustrating just how smooth and cool Logan sounded, like he wasn’t the least bit affected by what they were doing. It was infuriating._

_“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Steve nodded, biting his bottom lip and squeezing the pillow his head was resting on with both hands._

_“I don’t believe you.” Logan shook his head with a damn evil smirk. Steve gaped at him, but Logan shrugged his shoulders and leaned down, their faces only a breath apart. He could feel the warm moist breath against his own dry and chapped lips. “I don’t think you really want to.”_

_And just like that the teeny tiny hold Steve had on his control snapped like a wire pulled too tight._

_Steve wrapped his legs around Logan’s waist and gripped him behind his neck with his right hand._

_“If you won’t give me what I need, I’ll just have to fucking take it then.” Steve grunted before using his left hand and his strength to flip them so Logan was now on the bottom and Steve was straddling his waist. Steve threw his head down, hands gripping Logan’s firm chest tightly and began bouncing on that delicious thick length uncaring of how wanton he may look. Through heavily lust lidded lids, blue eyes focused on Logan. The mutant’s expression had changed. Gone was the smirking tease and in his place was a wild and lust ridden man. His dark eyes burned with need and his teeth were clenched together in a damn near animalistic expression. It was more erotic than it should be._

_“That’s it, gorgeous, take it.” Logan moaned, his large hands gripping Steve’s hips tightly. They’d bruise, for sure, but that was part of the fun. Knowing when Steve put on his clothes there was still a hint of his passion with Logan underneath. Like a little secret._

_“So good, so good.” Steve moaned and pushed down roughly, grinding his hips back so Logan’s impressive length rubbed right up against his prostate. He had never been so full in his life and it was incredible. Bottoming wasn’t something he did frequently, especially during his relationship with Tony, who was by all standards a power bottom. Tony wasn’t particularly excited about topping and as a result they had only done it maybe 5 or 6 times in the near 3 years they had been together. And when they had…it most definitely was not like this._

_“So beautiful like this, sweetheart, taking it so good.” Logan’s feet went flat against the bed and his knees bent upwards, allowing him to thrust up in sync with Steve’s down thrusts. The response was fireworks. Steve’s head shot back and he moaned loudly, squeezing Logan’s pecs to resist temptation to stroke himself. He wanted to see if he could climax just from being penetrated. It was something he had never done before and god help him did he want to. Bad._

_“That’s it, gorgeous, come for me.” Logan grunted loudly, their bodies slapping together roughly. “Come on, gorgeous, you want to, you know you do.”_

_Steve could only nod because holy mother of all that is holy did he want to! Like super bad! He could feel himself just on the precipice and about to fall over. He just needed just a second longer. Just one more and he’d fall off that cliff and lose himself in the bliss._

_“So close, gorgeous, I’m so close. Going to fill you up and –“_

Steve woke with a jolt, heart pounding, body sweating and alarm clock beeping offensively next to his bed. He stared blankly at the ceiling, his mind still clutching to the details of his dream. Beneath the covers, hidden from view like a shameful admission, his own length gave a valiant twitch in his tight navy blue boxer briefs. They were wet…from his own release. It was like being a damn teenager again. It was the 3rd night in a row that he had had such an erotic dream that featured Logan as the star. He knew why, he wasn’t dumb, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing. He was just glad he was at SHIELD in a bug proof apartment that wouldn’t be able to tell anyone that he had woken with soiled boxers 3 mornings in a row. Like a damn teenager.

Groaning, Steve rubbed his face roughly and ignored the slight warmth from his flush and the sweat. He’d have to change his sheets again. Just thank goodness he did his own laundry. How fun would it be to explain why he was sending his linens everyday riddled with sweat? He could probably claim nightmares, but that was until someone looked closely at his top sheet and right where his pelvis would be would be a telltale stain. Ugh. This sucked.

Steve’s left hand shot out and slammed atop his alarm, simultaneously praising it for waking him from his less than noble dream and hating it for ending his dream before Logan reached his peak. It was silly, but he couldn’t shake that hint of guilt that he woke every time right before Logan was about to climax. Not that the man himself actually knew and if Steve had his way, never would, but still, he liked to think of himself as a giving lover and that was just bad form.

Knowing he could no longer hide in his bedroom and ignore the cooling dampness, Steve threw his sheets back and slipped out of bed, dutifully ignoring the gross sensation. He pad over to his small (well, by Stark standards at least) all white bathroom and slid out of his boxers. He didn’t even give them a second glance as he threw them into the laundry basket and reached for his cupboard to grab a washcloth. It would be silly to shower now, especially since he was about to do his daily run with Sam, so Steve wet the cloth and wiped himself down quickly. There was no flinching at the cold cloth, having not taken the time to let the water heat first. He needed to cool down!

Cleaned up, Steve went about his morning ablutions while ignoring the large mirror that hung on the wall. He wasn’t ashamed per se, he was just uncomfortable with dreaming about Logan in such a way. It didn’t matter that Logan had expressed an interest in him 3 days prior. Or that Logan said it could be “just sex” and a way to help Steve find some release not by his own hand, there was still that little detail that hung over his head, nagging him like a headache: he was incapable of keeping feelings out of sex. Especially when his feelings were still very present for Tony and it felt horribly dishonest to get involved with Logan when he still had feelings for someone else. But then, Logan wasn’t looking for a relationship. He was just looking to offer a helping hand to a friend.

“Don’t overthink it, bub.” Had been Logan’s exact words when Steve hesitated on the offer. It wouldn’t affect their friendship, also Logan’s words. But hadn’t it already? Could they _really_ go back to just being friends now that Steve knew Logan had a physical attraction to him? Hell, could they really go back to friends now that Steve realized his own attraction? One that went deeper than just physical?  

Logan was an incredibly attractive man physically, there was no denying to be had about that, but he was also very attractive personality wise. Sure, he was rough and gruff and a downright asshole at times, but he was loyal, fierce, and when he let his guard down, he was gentle. Steve knew that first hand. It had been Logan who taught Steve the joys of being with a man intimately. Not all the way. The title of virginity claimer went to Bucky, but Logan had given him a hands on demonstration on how to prepare a man’s body for penetration. It had been an embarrassingly short demonstration much to Steve’s dismay, but in his defense, he had never had his prostate stimulated before. Hell, he hadn’t even really known there was anything like that so the moment Logan’s thick fingers rubbed against it furiously, Steve was a goner. It also helped that Logan had been whispering into his ear the whole time and calling him gorgeous. Steve wasn’t a vain man, far from it in fact, but the way Logan said back then had almost been more of a term of endearment as opposed to an actual reference to his appearance.

They never had the chance to go the distance though, by Steve’s own doing. After Steve had climaxed, he stroked Logan to completion, something he knew how to do just from his own masturbatory practices, and then he found out that Bucky had been taken prisoner. It was downhill from there. Steve hadn’t really given it a thought before, but when he stopped to think about it now, he rather regretted not having sex with Logan. He didn’t regret Bucky being his first, it has been absolutely amazing taking him against that tree, but he did regret not having the chance to be at the mercy of Logan.

Being with Logan could be something incredible, but it could also only make things worse for Steve. He was _finally_ getting to a good place after what felt like complete hell for so many months and his feelings for Tony, while a constant hum in the back of his mind, weren’t causing as many complications as they had. And while it seemed like a good point in his life to consider moving forward, he questioned if he could. He was not someone who found comfort in casual sex. He didn’t judge people who did, it just wasn’t something Steve could do and he wasn’t sure that trying to be casual with someone he considered a good friend would not ruin their friendship.

Which brought him to his current predicament: 3 nights of sex dreams with Logan. One wayward penis that seemed to have a mind of it’s own and totally on board for what Logan had to offer. A heart that was only just beginning to be repaired. And a pesky small voice that nagged in the back of his mind saying “don’t do it, not while you still love someone else” left Steve in the predicament he was in. Which was why he was now running _laps_ around Sam and not even noticing the man flipping him off every time he passed.

“This ain’t healthy.” Sam muttered and slowed his pace to cool down. If Steve wanted to run himself down to the bone, he could, but Sam wasn’t about to try to keep up with that.

“Why’d you stop?” Steve asked as he came up on Sam again, surprised to see the man walking instead of running.

“Man, we already ran our normal path today _and_ an extra 2 miles.” Sam shrugged, walking out his muscles. “Not all of us got some serum pumping through our blood. My mere mortal ass has limits and we have a mission today!”

Oh yeah, they were leaving for Johannesburg. In fact, Natasha and Clint had probably already arrived in DC to catch the flight. He had been so preoccupied with this ridiculous Logan thing he had nearly forgotten.

“You forgot.” Sam laughed, clapping his hands and doubling over. “Ah, man, this is good.”

"Shut up. I did not forget.” Steve blushed because that was a total lie. He totally had.

“You absolutely did!” Sam gripped his shoulder and squeezed it gently. “What’s got you all tied up man? Been a while since you’ve been this far out.”

Steve ignored the flare in his chest that reminded him of just what had him distracted for the better part of 3 months after he arrived in DC 9 months ago. The answer, 6 months ago, would have been Tony without a doubt, but today it wasn’t and that left Steve feeling slightly off balanced.

 “What’s wrong man?” Sam asked him, tone gentle and soothing.

“I just –“ Steve blinked owlishly for a moment while he got his bearings. “I think I might be ready to move on from Tony.”

“That’s good though.” Sam nodded in his usual encouraging fashion. “I noticed you seemed to be getting happier over the last few months, but I didn’t want to point it out to you. Didn’t want you going back into your mopey recluse ways.”

Steve glared at Sam, but the look fell short when his lips twitched at the happy smile his friend had. How could he really be mad that his friends were happy that he was becoming happy again? And all thanks to them. And Logan. Especially Logan.

“Logan propositioned me for sex.”

Steve’s eyes went wide as saucers when he realized what he had just said. Apparently Sam hadn’t really expected the outburst either seems his brows went straight up and he laughed in surprise.

“Okay. Uh, that’s good?” Sam scratched his jaw, slightly perplexed.

“I don’t know.” Steve admitted helplessly. “Sam, I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t know if I can do the casual thing. It’s just not me.”

“And you’re sure Logan wants casual?” Sam cocked his head to the side and Steve had to muffle a snort at the slightly bird-like action. He’d never forgive Clint for pointing out Sam’s habit of acting like a bird at times.

“We’re friends.” Steve said unnecessarily as though that answered Sam’s question.

“Okay, do you want to?” Sam crossed his arms and looked at Steve in his calm fashion, absolutely no hint or judgment. Seriously, the guy was amazing.

“Oh my god, yes!” Steve immediately flushed in embarrassment at his own enthusiasm.

“Okay then.” Sam laughed and nodded. “Then maybe feel it out. Go slow. Go at a pace that makes you comfortable and see if casual works, if not, be honest about it. He seems like a good guy. A bit rough around the edges, but he cares about you. That much I know.”

“How?” Steve’s fair brows furrowed in confusion. Sam sighed, pursing his lips as though considering exactly what he should say. A few moments passed before he shrugged.

“When he came 6 months ago, man, you were in bad shape. All work, you know? The casual side of you was gone and no matter what we tried, you just didn’t give. And then Logan came and started calling you out on your shit. You became a little less reckless.” Steve glared at Sam and the other man laughed. “Nah, don’t try to deny it, you still dumb on missions, but not nearly as suicidal as you were. Anyway, he was always so damn angry and rough and I noticed it was always when he was around you. Like, it was hard to see you so hurt. So he pushed you and I saw you push back, but he didn’t let up and eventually he started to get through in a way we couldn’t. And when your mood got better, so did his. Not hard to link it together, Steve.”

“We’re friends.” Steve stated again.

“Yeah, I know, but I think maybe it has potential to become something else if you let it.”

Steve’s breath caught in his throat because that wasn’t possible. Logan lived in upstate New York most of the time and the other part of it he was a nomad, traveling from place to place.

“We’re _just_ friends.” Steve wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince. Sam or himself?

“I don’t think so, Steve.” Sam shook his head and pursed his lips. “I haven’t really talked to Logan, but it’s pretty clear to me that there may be something more there.”

“I don’t…I just…” Steve swallowed the guilt. My god, he hadn’t even been broken up with Tony for a year and he was considering the possibility of another relationship? And with Logan? No. Logan didn’t do relationships. The man had said it himself back during the war, that he didn’t allow himself to get attached if he could help it. It would be just sex. Perhaps amazing sex, but at the end of the day, just sex.

“You don’t have to decide today. In fact, it’s probably better that you don’t. You need your head in the game for this mission. Hill said there’s some nasty shit going on at that Hydra base in Johannesburg.” Sam shook his head and frowned as though disgusted.

“We got a lead on the book?” Steve asked, hating the chill that curled around his gut every time he thought about that damn book. They’d been hunting it for months now, but every time they got close, it seemed like the damn thing got moved…again. It was like trying to catch a shadow.

"Hopefully.” Sam shrugged.

Steve and Sam head back to the SHIELD base and prepare for their mission. Sam was right, Steve didn’t have to make a decision about Logan right now. He had more important things to worry about.

* * *

“What’s with you?”

Steve startled from his thoughts as Logan sat down next to him on the quinjet, forcing the man from his thoughts.

“Nothing.” Steve immediately supplied, looking back down at the map before him in an effort to look like he had been planning some intense battle plan and not thinking about Logan and what his offer actually meant.

“Bullshit.” Well, never let it be said Logan beat around an issue. “Wanna try that again?”

“Logan.” Steve sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now is really not a really good time.”

Logan stared at Steve closely, eyes slightly narrowed and mouth pulled into a firm line. It was a calculating look and Steve hated it. The man was painfully observant and really, he didn’t need Logan in his head on this one.

“I told you not to overthink it.” And apparently God hates Steven Grant Rogers.

Steve side glanced at Logan and shrugged his shoulders helplessly because what did he even say to that? It was who he was. When it came to matters of the heart, especially now, Steve had to consider all facts and options. It’s just who he was.

“Look, Steve, we’re friends, right?” Logan waited a pause for confirmation, smirking softly when Steve immediately nodded his head in confirmation. “You can tell me no and I won’t be offended. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Not everything is your fault.”

Logan moved to get up and Steve felt like a vice had seized around his stomach and without even rational thought, his hand immediately clamped down on Logan’s firm wrist to stop him from moving.

“It’s not that.” Steve admitted reluctantly. He was pleased when Logan sat back down, but didn’t push for any information, just stared at him in a way that was oddly not uncomfortable. He didn’t feel like a science experiment, as per usual when someone stared so intensely. He felt like Logan was giving him his undivided attention. Similar to when he talks to Sam.

Steve chewed his bottom lip for a moment before looking around the quinjet, grateful to see Natasha and Clint both up at the front flying and Sam taking a nap. There were zero eyes on them to bear witness to Steve’s own special brand of complicated.

“I just,” Steve heaved a sigh. Rip it off, like a bandaid. “I can’t do casual. That’s not me. No judgement to you or anyone else. I just can’t keep my feelings out of it. I wish I could. It would make things so much easier on me, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Steve continued to stare at the map, unable to lift his eyes to see the amusement or annoyance that no doubt danced in Logan’s eyes. Call him a coward, but this was hard. Facing off against Hydra and aliens? That was easy. Turning down a great offer from a good friend for some awesome casual sex? Damn scary.

“Okay.” Logan nodded and Steve felt simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Relieved that Logan wasn’t angry or offended. Disappointed because now things would be different. Even if just slightly. “Just one question for you.”

“Alright.” Steve nodded, that was fair. He expected at least a question or two. What he didn’t expect was a large calloused palm to cup his cheek and force his head up so that he could no longer avoid Logan’s penetrating gaze. Slowly the other man leaned forward until their faces were a breath apart. It did unsettling things to Steve’s stomach and groin.

“Who said anything about casual?”

Steve’s mouth opened and closed several times until finally he clamped it shut with an audible click.

“I told you not to overthink it.” Logan smirked and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Steve’s cheek, close to his mouth, but not quite touching. “Focus on our mission for right now, but we will be talking about this afterwards.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded in understanding and could actually feel the heat radiating off his face. Logan sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, head resting back against the headrest. Steve could only blink in surprise, his brain taking a moment to kick back online. Perhaps he should just stop thinking?

* * *

Pain.

Crippling burning pain. It was all Steve could focus on. Why was he in so much pain? And who was screaming?

He realized with a starting jolt the screaming was coming from him. And the pain? The burns that covered nearly his entire left side.

Their mission had been no different than any other Hydra mission they had gone on, except this time they had been so close to getting that damn book. Every other time it had been moved prior to their arrival, making Steve feel as though he were chasing a shadow in the dark, but not this time. This time he had caught a glimpse of that red book with a black star. He had in within his grasp, just to lose it at the last second when the Hydra goon was pulled into the helicopter that was lifting up. Steve had reached it in time for his fingers to graze the bottom, but not enough to get a grip on it. He would have thrown his shield at it, except his iconic shield was stuck in a wall somewhere back in the building.

“Falcon, take it out!” Steve yelled into his comm, eyes focused on the helicopter that was moving further with every beat of his heart.

“Cap watch out!” Sam yelled at the same time that Logan bellowed behind him, “STEVE!”

He had barely heard the soft clink of metal on concrete before the innocuous looking metal canister at his feet burst into a firey ball, throwing Steve back.

“Steve! Stay with me, stay with me!” Logan yelled, though sounded miles away through the ringing in his ears. “Fuck! Medical NOW!”

Steve screamed as his nerve endings caught up and the horrific pain from the burns he received set everything ablaze. Everything narrowed down until all that existed was his pain.

He didn’t know how long he had been screaming for. Hours? Minutes? It felt like an eternity.

“We need to sedate him.” A soft spoken woman said. Steve had no clue who she was, but he immediately didn’t like her. He didn’t want to be put under again.

“Like hell you are.” Yes! Logan understood!

"We cannot clear away the tissue with him like this. It’s likely it’ll do more harm than good. And the pain is great.” The same woman spoke again although this time her tone was more crisp and biting.

“Put him under.” No, Natasha, please! Don’t do this! He didn’t want to go under again. No. He hated the darkness. He hated the empty.

“Fuck you, red! You’re not putting him under, you have no fucking clue what it’ll do with his metabolism!” Logan barked back and Steve wanted to thank him, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t get his vocal cords to do anything beyond scream and groan.

“The anesthesia was formulated by Dr. McCoy and Dr. Banner specifically for Captain Rogers metabolism.” There was that woman again. Who was she?

“One turned himself blue the other turned himself into a hulk, like fuck am I going to rely on this shit!”

“I’m Steve’s emergency contact.” Natasha informed the room coldly. “And I’m telling Dr. Cho to put him under.”

“Red –“

“No! Dr. Cho, put him under now.” Natasha ordered in a tone that brooked no argument.

Steve wanted to scream no, he wanted to tell them he didn’t want to go under. He couldn’t. He couldn’t stand the idea of losing 70 more years. Losing more people he loved. He forced his body to attempt to respond to his demands. He tried to alert them, but he must have failed because moments later a calming warmth blanketed him and before he could process why, he could feel his mind slipping away into nothingness. It would have been welcoming if it hadn’t been so frightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **For those who do not understand my first note, this chapter was originally posted on 10/13/16 and deleted the same day to allow me to consider if I had made the right choice or not. This is the revised version of this chapter. I will not give details surrounding the original as I don't want any potential spoilers out there. :)


	5. It's Frustrating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve considers his options with Logan as well as facing his own fears in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay everyone. The past 2 weeks have not been kind. My son turned 1 (so yay!), but I got into a car accident and while no one was seriously injured, my body has definitely needed to relax. On top of that my son is now teething with 4 visible and about to cut through so there hasn't been much sleep or writing time to be had. Apologies, but family comes first. Don't worry though, I PROMISE I'm not going to abandon this. I'm too invested in these guys. As always thanks for the support and I hope you enjoy! :)

Darkness. As Steve slowly left the strong clutches of anesthesia, the more aware he became. First, of the darkness. He wanted to open his eyes, but it seemed his body was not cooperating. That was the second thing he became of aware of, his body’s inability to move in any capacity. It felt heavy as though leaded down. The third thing he became aware of was voices. Not close, though perhaps they actually were, but almost in the distance. Like he was hearing a conversation through multiple rooms. Soft, distant, but perhaps they weren’t.

“Classified information, Barnes, I’m sure you understand.” Natasha, definitely Natasha. Though why was Natasha speaking with Bucky? He was one of the two last people he would ever call in this type of emergency. Once upon a time he would have been in the top 2, the top spot for decades, but events had changed that standing.

“Okay,” If Steve could move, he would have sat straight up in surprise at Tony’s voice. The man sounded closer. And angry. “Apparently you two have a real issue with us, so shall we just hash this out? Or would you prefer to continue your mean girls routine?”

Who was he talking to? Why was everything so fuzzy? He needed everyone to shut up so he could just get his head on straight. Everything was so clouded and confusing.

“Nothing? Really?” Sarcasm. Of course. Leave it to Tony to use sarcasm at a time when it was not necessary.

“Don’t think this is the place for this, bub.” Logan was frustrated. That much was evident in his dry tone.

“Care to step outside?” He could actually hear Tony gritting his teeth and he had a fleeting thought of wanting to chide the man. It was terrible for his jaw and teeth, but then, he didn’t get to chide him anymore did he?  

“Tony –“ Bucky sighed. The voices were closer now. Had they moved? Why couldn’t Steve move?  

“I don’t think you wanna go a round with me, pal.” Please, Logan, don’t do this! And put those damn claws away! Steve heard the grind of metal against bone as they pressed through his flesh.

“Oh I really think I do.” Tony’s voice was low and deep.

“What is going on in here?” Sam! Thank goodness! The voice of reason. Perhaps he could get them to stop talking. He needed sleep, but first, he needed to figure out why he couldn’t move. Or feel. He only just realized it, but he couldn’t really feel anything either.  

“And what the hell are you two doing here?” So Bucky and Tony _were_ there. Why? Why would they be there? Oh, the accident. “Ah, naw, don’t be looking at the ground. What are you doing here?”

“We wanted to make sure Steve was okay.” Bucky mumbled and had it not been for super soldier hearing, Steve would not have caught it.  

“Is that really so hard for you people to understand?” Tony snapped. “That we actually care about him? That we want to be here for him when he wakes up?”

Yes.

“I don’t really care what you want,” Sam deadpanned. “I care about what he wants and he certainly didn’t ask for you two to come.”

Silence. Finally, blissful silence. Perhaps now he could figure out exactly what was going on. Was he dreaming?

“You two want to get back in his good graces?” Ugh, Sam, please. Couldn’t anyone tell he needed quiet?! “Then stop taking choices outta his hands. Get up, walk right out that door and don’t come back until Steve asks you to.”

Ah, finally.

“Man, those two are really startin’ to get on my nerves.” Oh, come on, Sam!

“They’re just worried.” Natasha supplied and it would have knocked Steve off the bed in surprise that she was willing to defend them…if he could move. And it was really beginning to frustrate Steve. The voices had cleared up so now he was able to tell that they were in his room, but he still couldn’t move. Or feel below his neck.

“Okay.” Sam stated in a way that almost made it sound like a question. “It doesn’t change the fact that they weren’t invited here. They really gotta stop assuming they’re wanted everywhere.”

Steve heard the very subtle sound of clothes shifting in what he assumed was Natasha’s shrug.

“You really think they love him?” Steve could almost swear there was a hint on concern in Logan’s voice, but that would be crazy. The drug they obviously gave him must have messed with his mind in some way.

“Yeah.” Sam admitted and it was shocking how confident he was in his response. “I’m not going to sugar coat it.”

“Didn’t ask you to, bub.” Logan hit back. “I just wanted to know exactly what I could expect from those two.”

“So you planning on giving them competition?” Sam questioned and to anyone else it probably sounded teasing, but Steve could hear the slight edge in his tone. It was that of a brother worrying about a brother.

“I plan on doing whatever Steve wants me to.” Well that was vague.

“And if that’s something more than casual sex?” Jesus, Sam! What happened to counselor confidentiality?!

“I need to explain my intentions?” Logan sounded amused. Of course he would be, this entire conversation was ridiculous! Especially since Steve could not alert ANYONE to the fact that he was hearing every word of it.

“Steve’s my friend.” Sam replied as if that answered everything. Where the hell was Natasha?! Why wasn’t she stopping these two from being ridiculous? And Sam? The hell man? Did Steve _not_ say that Logan was just his friend?! Steve was going to kill him when he could finally move again.

“You seem to forget he’s mine too.” And the edge was back. Stop guys, just stop.

“I know. Anyone with eyes can see you care about him. I just want to make sure you know what he’s really looking for. I don’t think a good romp in the sack is it.” Kill him. God, please just strike Steve down with an electric shock or something right now. Sam was officially done with getting _any_ confessions from him.

“I think I know Steve better than you think and I know he’s operating under some false assumptions.” Wait..what?! Suddenly Steve found himself very intrigued by the conversation. “But that is not something I’m going to discuss with you, let alone before discussing it with him.”

“Fair enough.” Sam conceded gently, clearly taking Logan’s less than subtle hint to drop the conversation and drop it fast. Of course, it would be right as things were getting good.

“How did you know?” Natasha asked quietly, nearly startling Steve. He had almost forgotten she was there.

“Know what?” Logan’s tone made the eyebrow raise evident. It was amazing how much expression his friends actually put in their tone. Was it always there? Or was he just noticing it because he couldn’t see? Or move?

“That Steve would be upset waking up from anesthesia.” Her tone was flat, but there was also an undercurrent of something else. Something almost like regret.

“You don’t go through shit like he has without some baggage.” Logan sighed and shifted in his chair. He was closer than everyone else, that much Steve knew.

“Very true, man.” Sam agreed very soberly.

Before the mood could sour even further, out of nowhere, feeling and the ability to move seemed to hit Steve like a freight train. Before he could even process the horrible pain he was feeling in his left arm and his chest, his throat was releasing pained groans and growls.

“Steve.” Logan gently pressed down on Steve’s upper body, stopping his uncontrollable shakes. “You need to lay still.”

Easier said than done. Especially when it felt like Steve’s left arm had been put through a shredder.

“Odd. Captain Rogers should still be under.” Dr. Cho seemed perplexed as she walked in, Natasha hot on her heels. Luckily the redhead was smooth under pressure, slipping out of the room to seek out the doctor after Steve abruptly woke.

“This is why I didn’t trust that shit.” Logan barked at the slender woman, shooting her a glare that made her flinch back unconsciously.

“All tests that Dr. Banner and Dr. McCoy performed showed that this would keep him unconscious for several hours.” Dr. Cho defended, eyes taking in all of Steve’s vitals. It was obvious from his heartrate, respirations and blood pressure that he was in intense pain.

“Well clearly their calculations are shit.” Logan released his hold on Steve’s upper body as Sam took over, the former paratrooper signaling Logan with a gentle head nudge towards Steve’s flailing right hand. Logan took Steve’s hand in a firm grip, allowing Steve to squeeze with super soldier intensity and never once flinching as bones cracked in his hand. They’d heal. They always did.

“Can’t you give him something?” Natasha asked in a cool tone, clearly moved by witnessing the pain Steve was in.

“We could give him more of the anesthesia and put him back under, now that we are aware it doesn’t work as long as we thought we could re-administer to ensure he doesn’t awake again until the process is complete.” Dr. Cho sounded apologetic as she moved her machine to the next area on Steve’s chest.

Her words were like magic and without conscious thought, Steve’s eyes snapped opened and frantically looked around. He was relieved when they settled on Logan and the man looked a comforting stoic. He was surprised the impassive expression was as comforting as it was.

“Please no, no more.” Steve gasped though pained breaths and nearly wept when Logan immediately nodded and stroked his hair back with his left hand.

“No more.” Logan agreed and looked back to Dr. Cho. “Find something else, he ain’t taking anymore.”

Dr. Cho took a deep breath, clearly steeling herself for a fight, but it failed to take off when Natasha cut her off.

“Morphine. Now. Alternatives later.”

Dr. Cho nodded and left the room for only a brief second before returning with a vial and a syringe. Steve had never been so happy to see a needle in his life. In fact, he’d developed a small needle phobia after being injected with the serum. He felt a brief sting and a small burn as the medication was pushed in, but held himself in place despite all the pain and was relieved when moments later the pain was lessened. Not completely. Unfortunately, he probably would not stop feeling the pain entirely, but it was significantly better.

“Captain Rogers, I know this is immensely painful, it’s why it would be easier on you if you would allow us to sedate you.” Dr. Cho calmly reasoned with Steve, her face and eyes showing not only empathy, but a hint of regret. Steve felt for the woman despite the darkness she had forced him into.

“I appreciate that, ma’am, but I’d prefer to stay awake.” Steve gently, but firmly told the woman, squeezing Logan’s hand in warning when his mouth opened to no doubt shoot a scathing retort.

Dr. Cho fidgeted with her hands, staring at them as she worried her bottom lip. She was a beautiful woman and perhaps in another time Steve may have found himself attracted to her, but he had come to one startling realization over the past months and especially 24 hours, though he did find himself attracted to women, occasionally, he absolutely preferred men.

“Captain –“

“Steve, please.” Steve smiled, but knew it looked more like a grimace. He couldn’t help it though, the pain was breathtaking even with morphine in his system.

“Steve,” Dr. Cho smiled in return. “The clearing process of the tissue on your arm will be far more painful than any person should be forced to suffer. Please reconsider the anesthesia for that.”

“I know and I appreciate your offer, but please, don’t sedate me. I will stay still for the process, I assure you.” Steve knew what Dr. Cho was saying and it made sense, the burns were awful and he didn’t even want to try to imagine how much worse it would be, but he couldn’t go back into the darkness. He just couldn’t. He wished he could explain it, but the very idea closed his throat and made speech impossible.

Dr. Cho sighed and gave Steve a pained expression. “Steve –“

“He said no.” Logan cut in, his tone brooking no argument. The finality was crystal clear. “He’s of sound mind and able to make decisions for himself and his answer is no. Find another alternative. Call Hank and Dr. Banner if you need to, but he’s not going back under.”

Steve would have chastised Logan for snapping at Dr. Cho, who was clearly just trying to do her job and keep Steve from feeling pain, but he found it difficult to. The words actually caught in his throat because it had been a long time since someone was that aggressive about protecting him and selfishly, he enjoyed the thrill it gave him. He knew, without even needing to say it, that Logan understood why Steve didn’t want to go back into darkness. Though Logan had never faced the ice like Steve had, he had faced his own share of horrors throughout the years and understood why Steve would want to avoid it. It was comforting in a way that made Steve simultaneously happy and sad. Happy because someone understood and didn’t think he was being silly. Sad because it meant that Logan too had felt some keen pain that made understanding possible.

“Of course. I will call Dr. Banner and Dr. McCoy and see if they have any other suggestions.” Dr. Cho nodded and cast one last forced smile to Steve. “Please try to relax and stay as still as possible. It should only be about another hour on your chest before we’ll need to move to your arm.”

“Thank you.” Steve nodded and watched as Dr. Cho fled the room, barely out the door before she asked someone off in the distance to call Bruce immediately.

“How you feeling?” Sam asked when the room had fallen too quiet.

“In pain, but I’ll manage.” Steve forced a smile on before taking a deep breath. “Now, how did the rest of the mission go?”

* * *

Steve either underestimated the pain of the tissue clearing or overestimated his ability to withstand it. One of those statements was true because despite the intense pain that was the serum, it was nothing compared to the misery of having his burned tissue cleaned away to allow Dr. Cho clean area in which to work. He only made it 1 minute before he began screaming and in under 5 he lost all ability to control his own reactions and was being held down by Logan. Logan tried to keep him calm. He endured a broken hand and broken arm before Steve’s body lost it’s battle and his eyes rolled back into his head. He only vaguely heard Logan yelling his name and Dr. Cho shouting to her staff to get more morphine before he fell beneath the fog and slipped into nothingness again.

This dark was not like the darkness before. Unlike the timeless black hole that was anesthesia, he felt himself slip away and into the fog and knew he was dreaming. He had to be because one minute he was in immense pain and trying to fight Logan’s strong hold and the next he was sitting on a nice tan couch in an apartment. He didn’t recognize the apartment, but he did recognize his own possessions inside. It was a nice sized apartment, but not overly grand. It was something that he would have picked out for himself in Brooklyn. Modest, but big enough for his super-sized self.

“Darling, you here?”

Steve’s head shot around so quickly he was damn sure he pulled something as he looked to his left at the familiar British accent. Sure enough, there was Peggy, entering his apartment, but looking certainly out of place with her 1940’s clothes and hair in his very current century dwellings.

“Peggy?” Steve choked out, tears stinging his eyes.

“Hello, Steve.” Peggy’s red pout pulled into a kind smile.

Steve shot up from his seat and wrapped Peggy in a tight hug, burying his face into her hair and smelling in her oh so familiar perfume. It didn’t matter how many decades passed, he would _never_ forget that perfume.

“Oh, God, I miss you so much.” Steve choked out, uncaring at the tears that were audible in his tone. It was true. He missed her so much and though time had helped close that hurt, it would never go away completely.

“I miss you too, Steve.” Peggy whispered back and pulled away, looking at Steve with that soft expression she seemed to only have for him. “Much time has passed.”

“Too much.” Steve nodded and swallowed down the bile that wanted to rise.

“Let’s sit, there’s much we need to discuss.” Peggy gestured towards the couch and raised her brow in a stern gesture when Steve didn’t move. Steve jumped to attention quick and sat down, turning his posture so he was facing more towards her and not the dark wood coffee table in front of them.

“How as you, Steve?” Peggy started when Steve just sat there staring dumbly.

“I…I’m okay.” Steve smiled and looked away when her gaze became stern and all knowing. He hated how she had always been able to see through his false cheer. She was one of the very few people who actually knew just how much Steve struggled with his feelings. People expected Captain America to be their beacon of hope and to help guide them through war and as such, that meant his depression and insecurities needed to be hidden away, sometimes so deep that Steve was almost able to even fool himself.

“Steve, please, we don’t have a lot of time so please don’t lie to me.” Peggy sighed and gripped his right hand tightly in hers on her lap. Steve just stared at their hands and bit his bottom lip when it began trembling.

“I…” Steve sighed and slumped against the couch, shaking his head when tears burned fiercely behind his tightly closed lids. “I’m lost, Peggy.”

“I know.” Peggy agreed solemnly and squeezed his hand in support.

“I…I lost Bucky and then went down in the ice and woke up and everything was so different. You were gone. Bucky was gone. The commandos were gone. Everyone was just…gone.” Steve opened his eyes ad focused on their hands, ignoring his tears entirely. “Why couldn’t I be gone too?”

“Steve.” Peggy gasped, letting his hand go immediately and scooting closer, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him towards her so his head rest on her shoulder and her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her hand combed through his hair while the other gently rubbed circles on his back. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do, Peggy.” Steve choked out, burying further into her neck and savoring her scent. “It’s so unfair. I tried to do good. I tried to be a good man, why did I have to wake up in a world without everyone I loved?”

“Because the universe is a selfish place, Steve, and the universe still has great need of you.” Peggy informed him softly, gently rocking the crying super soldier. “You are such a good man and this world, especially now, needs so much more goodness in it. It _needs_ you, Steve.”

“Everyone I love leaves me. Why?” Steve hands clung to the back of Peggy’s military uniform with an intensity he was shocked didn’t tear the garment.

“I didn’t want to.” Peggy admitted softly. “I would have waited forever for you, Steve, but I knew you didn’t want that for me.”

Steve shook his head no because she was right, he would _never_ have wanted that for her. As painful as it was to find out, he was so happy to hear that she had not only married, but she had also had children. She was a strong woman and no doubt raised her children to be equally as strong and amazing as she had been.

“You deserve to be happy, Steve, I want that for you. I need you to be happy.” Peggy squeezed Steve a little tighter.

“I don’t think I ever will be.” Steve hated how sure he felt of that and he hated that it reflected in his tone.

“You can be.” Peggy pulled away and gripped Steve’s face in her soft hands, her thumbs wiping at his tears. “I promise you, Steve, you can be happy. There is someone waiting for you to wake up and realize that he’s standing right there.”

“Who?” Steve’s brows furrowed and he nearly snorted when Peggy rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“Howlett.” Peggy stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Logan?” Steve reared back in surprise and immediately shook his head. “No, we’re friends. He’s my friend, that’s it.”

“Steve,” Peggy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why is it so impossible for you to believe that people do care about you?”

“I know he does!” Steve passionately defended because he did know that. Logan was a great friend back during the war and had been especially now over the past few months. “He’s a great friend and I’m lucky to have him around. I thought everyone I knew from the war was gone.”

“He cares about you, Steve.” Peggy gently prodded, once again reaching for his hands and squeezing them firmly. “And not in a friendly way.”

“No.” Steve denied and hated how that curled in his stomach. “I’m just his friend.”

“You’re infuriating.” Peggy muttered and looked away for a moment before finally looking back at Steve. “Look around you, darling, what do you notice?”

Steve followed her instructions and looked around the apartment that wasn’t his, but apparently was his. His books on the shelves. His pictures on the mantel. His leather jacket on the…wait a moment, Steve didn’t own a leather jacket that looked like that. Steve’s blue eyes darted around and suddenly he began noticing items that were obviously masculine, but not his. Did he have a roommate?

“Did you take up smoking?” Peggy asked in an amused tone and gestured towards the ash tray that was sitting on the coffee table. How had he not noticed that? Or the subtle scent of cigars that filled his nostrils.

“I….I….” Steve stuttered uselessly, still looking around in surprise. He was mentally trying to convince himself that perhaps he and Logan were roommates when he looked down the hall and noticed only 2 doors. One must have been a bathroom and the other must have been a bedroom. But that means they share a one bedroom apartment?

“You want this with him, Steve.” Peggy squeezed his hands again luring his focus back onto her. She didn’t look sad as he would have expected she would when discussing him being romantically involved with someone else. In fact, she looked happy. “And that’s wonderful. He’s a great man. A bit unorthodox, I’ll admit, but he’s still a good man and he’s good for you.”

“We’re just friends.” Steve helplessly whispered because apparently denial was an easier place to be.

“Then why are you dreaming a world in which you clearly are not?” Peggy teased with that addicting bright smile of hers. Steve shook his head and sighed because he had no retort to that. This was his own mind, obviously, so he clearly was the one who put Logan’s possessions in _his_ one bedroom apartment. “Steve, it’s okay to want him. It’s okay to want to be happy. It’s okay to let the past go and move forward.”

“I tried and –“ Steve cut off when that damn lump reappeared in his throat at the memory of his attempt with Tony. He had loved the man so much and yet it still hadn’t been enough.

“I know, darling, but you mustn’t give up.” Peggy admonished him softly. “The Steve Rogers I know wouldn’t give up. He’d dust himself off and get right back up.”

“It hurts to.” Steve looked down at knew his cheeks were blushed with embarrassment. “It hurts to keep getting my heart smashed over and over.”

“I don’t think he will.” Peggy shrugged and looked over at the bookcase with a soft smile. Steve followed her gaze and he saw a picture frame he hadn’t noticed before. It was a side by side frame of him and Logan back during the war, the image was black and white and weathered from the years and the second picture next to it was colored and they were both wearing modern clothes, except instead of standing side by side, they each had an arm around each other and their bodies were angled towards the other. It was a more intimate pose for people who were “just friends.”

“I don’t know, Peggy.” Steve sighed and looked back at the woman he had loved so much. It was bittersweet to see her again.

“Try, for me, darling.” Peggy looked at Steve with an impassive expression, but her eyes were wide with almost desperation. His eyes closed when her fingers dipped back into his hair and rubbed his scalp in a very calming fashion. Except…his eyes opened in surprise when he realized that both her hands were still holding his. “That’s not me.” Peggy admitted to his unspoken question. “He’s still there, Steve, right next to you and waiting for you to wake up. Please promise me you’ll at least try.”

“I promise.” Steve nodded and smiled softly at the bright smile he got in return from Peggy.

“Good.” Peggy nodded and leaned forward to kiss his cheek gently before getting up and walking towards the door, stopping to look over her shoulder with a mischievous smirk. “Besides, aren’t you the least bit curious as to how he is in bed considering how good he was for you with his hands?”

“Peggy!” Steve exclaimed and he could feel the heat radiating from his no doubt furiously blushing face. Peggy just laughed and shook her head.

“Honestly, Steve, it’s not like you were quiet during your ‘discussions’ with him in his tent.” Peggy shook her head fondly and gave him one last smile. “Remember, you promised me to try and I expect you to follow through, Rogers!”

“I will.” Steve nodded and for once didn’t feel the soul clenching pain he normally did when Peggy walked back out through the door. Instead, he lay back on the couch and closed his eyes, losing himself to the gentle scratch against his scalp that was infuriatingly calming. It didn’t even take but a moment before he felt like he were floating again. Warm, comfortable and relaxed.

“Steve?”

Steve’s eyes opened up and once again he found himself in the infirmary room he had been in before although this time there wasn’t a machine repairing his skin. His left arm appeared to be back to normal and he was no longer naked, now clad in grey cotton pants and simple dark blue t-shirt. Logan sat next to him, leaning partially on the bed and gone was his flannel shirt revealing his impressive muscular arms. His left hand was not in Steve’s line of sight, but that made sense seems he continued to feel the soothing scratch against his scalp.

“How long was I out for?” Steve asked, surprised at how scratchy his voice sounded.

“A few hours.” Logan told him, eyes scanning Steve’s face. “Dr. Cho finished up about 2 hours ago. Red and Sam disappeared around then too.”

“Good, they needed rest.” Steve admitted and closed his eyes, the scalp massage relaxing him more than he had been in a very long time. “You should rest too. You look worn out.”

“Next time, I’ll set your ass on fire myself.” Logan chastised Steve, hiding his worry behind anger. Steve knew it wasn’t real.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Steve mumbled softly, unable to help the soft smile that formed on his lips. It could have been considered flirty.

“Yeah, you do that.” Logan retorted, still watching Steve. He could feel Logan’s stare like a blanket. Not uncomfortable at all, but all-encompassing and warm. “I worry about you, Steve.” Logan whispered painfully when Steve didn’t move or speak again.

Steve’s eyes slowly opened and he looked at Logan with furrowed brows. The desire to touch him was overwhelming and with Peggy’s words still ringing in his mind, he allowed himself to touch, reaching up with his right hand and cupping Logan’s cheek, his thumb caressing his jawline slowly.

“Don’t.” Steve shook his head with a small smile that soon shifted to playful. “Besides, I have you here to keep me out of trouble.”

“Or get you into it.” Logan smirked, leaning forward. Steve knew this was the moment to make or break whatever they could possibly be. He could pull away and tell Logan no, them going back to being friends only or he could try, just one more time to open his mind and his heart and see if perhaps this time he didn’t come out broken beyond repair. He swallowed his fear and leaned forward slightly, allowing their lips to meet in a tentative kiss. It was chaste, no tongues or even movement, but it was still nice. A soft promise of what could be.

“I don’t think that would be such a bad thing.” Steve whispered when Logan pulled away, but remained close enough so they could feel each other’s breaths.

“Yeah?” Logan raised a brow and with that one word Steve knew they were both thinking the same thing.

“Yeah.” Steve smiled and actually, for the first time in he couldn’t remember how long, had to prevent his mouth from pulling into a wide cheesy happy smile. He wanted to giggle like a child with excitement at the idea of even trying again. Especially with Logan, someone who knew and understood exactly all the man had seen and done.

“I didn’t mean just benefits.” Logan admitted, scowling when Steve tried to look all innocent. “Of course if you only wanted to be friends with benefits, I’d have done that, but I meant something more, Steve. I need you to know that before you agree to anything.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded. “I’d like that.”

“We’ll move at your pace.” Logan informed him, his hand clenching Steve’s hair gently and sending a shock down his spine. Steve hadn’t known how good _that_ could feel. “Go as slow as you need.”

“What if,” Steve licked his lips and looked down when he felt the blush take over his face. This was horribly embarrassing. “What if I don’t want to go slow?”

Logan smiled a wide, feral grin and raised his eyebrows in a waggle. “Then we’ll go as fast as you want to, gorgeous.”

Steve didn’t respond because what could he possibly say to _that_? Instead he leaned up to close the distance between them for a second kiss, though this time it wasn’t nearly as chaste, Steve opening his mouth and pressing his tongue against Logan’s lips. He moaned softly when Logan’s mouth opened in kind and his tongue caressed against Steve’s in a thrilling slide. The kiss was exploratory for only a brief glimpse before it grew more heated and passionate, Steve succumbing to Logan’s demand for submission with a whimper. He knew things with Logan wouldn’t be the same as they had been with Tony or even with Bucky, but a part of him thought perhaps that was exactly what he needed and he couldn’t help but feel okay with that.


	6. It’s Enlightening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Logan solidify their budding relationship with some physical passion. (Steve/Logan Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm chugging along, I'm determined to get this story caught up. My goal...to be caught up by Sunday! So I can post both chapters at the same time. My life will be much easier then. LoL. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story as much I am. And for those of you who are still squeamish on Logan/Steve, brace for impact kids because they're getting in the express lane to relationship-ville. ;-)

“Good evening, Cap.”

Steve looked up from his book to the door, surprised to see Phil Coulson standing there with an air of trepidation around him. He looked as though he’d rather be anywhere than standing in Captain America’s infirmary room.

“Evening, Phil. Come on it.” Steve smiled and closed his book around his index finger, eager to not lose his place. Sure, it was a bit immature to read the Mortal Instruments series, but sue him; he had a weakness for young adult books. They were sort of a guilty pleasure he’d found after nearly losing his sanity to too many history books. It had been Bruce, of all people, who introduced him to the young adult genre. “Easy read” is what Bruce had said and boy he wasn’t kidding. When you spend your life fighting real life villains and crime, it’s nice to unwind with a book that doesn’t focus too much on heavy topics.

Phil nodded and entered the room, his Stark pad shoved under his arm and Steve knew it would be an uncomfortable conversation when the man closed the door behind him and pulled the curtain.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your recovery – “

“Don’t worry about it.” Steve interrupted softly, gesturing to the chair that Logan had occupied for much of the day. He had only been gone an hour now, finally agreeing to Steve’s terms on catching a hot meal in the cafeteria and then a shower. He had to fight back a blush when he remembered those terms.

“We have intel on the scepter. A reliable source puts it in Sokovia.” Phil sat in the chair and pulled up his tablet, his fingers expertly navigating it before handing it over to Steve. Steve took the table with a serious expression and scanned the information. It was photographs of a stronghold and the surrounding area.

“They at war?” Steve asked with furrowed brows, his eyes scanning the numerous photos of damaged buildings and riots.

“Civil unrest.” Phil sighed. “Their government is falling apart and there’s been a power struggle for a while now. It’s a poor country which has made it far too easy for criminals to gain power with money.”

“It never stops.” Steve mumbled gently and put the tablet down on his lap, looking at Phil seriously. “When do we leave?”

“The sooner the better, in my opinion, but –“ Phil cut off giving Steve a pained smile.

“You want to assemble the Avengers?” Steve wasn’t stupid. He knew this day was coming at some point. It wasn’t like he could run from Tony and Bucky forever.

“I think it would be more successful of a mission to have the team together, yes.” Phil nodded.

“Okay.” Steve nodded and swallowed down the lump in his throat. He could do this. He was a professional and he could act professional. Phil and Maria had been far more understanding about the situation than he ever expected. If they needed the team together for this, Steve could put aside his feelings and be the Captain they know him to be.

“Okay.” Phil nodded and Steve noticed how his shoulders relaxed just a tad. Had Phil really expected him to fight him on this? “Banner is already in the air and I spoke with Jane who said Thor will meet us there. He’s attending to his duties on Asgard.”

“Okay, what time do we meet in the morning?” Steve handed Phil back his tablet and spoke with more confidence than he actually felt.

“0700.” Phil rose from his chair and moved to the door.

“Phil.” Steve called, a little piece of information tugging in the back of his mind.

Phil turned around and looked at Steve with his normal impassive expression, hands clasped in front of him and Stark pad tucked under his arm.

“Bucky doesn’t fight.” Steve knew his demand surprised Phil when the man’s eyebrows raised. “We can’t risk Hydra using that book to turn him. Until we get a hand on that book and get his programming turned off, Bucky stays benched.”

Phil narrowed his eyes on minimally, his face betraying nothing, but Steve knew his lack of immediate agreement meant he didn’t agree with Steve’s request.

“Barnes is an excellent soldier and has proven to be effective when fighting with the team. I think having him on this mission may be beneficial.” Phil diplomatically replied and Steve couldn’t stop the eyeroll if he wanted to. There were times when it became apparent that Phil thought much like a director, eyes on the mission as a whole and not it’s parts and while Steve may at one time have agreed to that mentality, there was no way he was putting everyone at risk by putting Bucky up against Hydra.

“They know we’re after the book. They know that we’ve been tracking it and they know why. If Bucky goes on this mission, we run the risk of them activating the programming in him and then not only will we be fighting against Hydra, we’ll be fighting against him.” Steve grit his teeth at the memory of the mindless soldier Bucky had been back in DC. The cold, blank stare and uncaring attitude. When Bucky was the Winter Soldier, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill any of the Avengers.

“The odds are slim, Captain –“

“Bucky stays out or I tell my team to.” Steve crossed his arms and set his jaw, completely forgetting about his place in his book. “I’m sorry to do this to you, but I will not put my team at risk like that. We have Logan as a plus 1 on this as well as Sam, we don’t need Bucky out there.”

Steve could see the clench in Phil’s jaw, but he didn’t care. The very idea of putting Bucky out there made Steve feel as though he were going to be sick. Now that they had a very clear idea of what exactly that book could do, Steve wanted Bucky as far the hell away from it as possible. For both Bucky’s sake and selfishly, his own.

“Of course, Captain.” Phil finally relented with a sigh.

“I’ll inform him of this tomorrow.” The least he could do was fall on that sword himself and not set Phil up for that argument.

“Agreed.” Phil gave Steve a small thankful smile and ducked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Steve knew Bucky would be pissed. He knew the man just wanted to be part of the team and do as much good, whether it was to wipe out the red in his ledger or just be a part of a team again, Steve didn’t know, but he did know that he couldn’t put Bucky or the team at risk like that. It wasn’t worth it.

* * *

“You ready to bust out of here?” Logan smirked as he leaned in the doorway to Steve’s room, startling the blonde from his book.

“What?” Steve asked, furrowing his brows because he was quite sure that he was told he’d need to spend the night in the miserable cold, sterile room.

“Dr. Cho said you can sleep in a real bed tonight.” Logan pushed off and strode towards Steve with an amused smile.

“I thought she wanted me to remain in here for observation?” Steve looked over at the monitor, surprised to see it was no longer turned on. When exactly had that happened? He was still wearing all the attached pieces.

“Eh, Coulson pulled rank and informed her that you needed a good night’s rest for our mission tomorrow.” Logan sat down in the chair next to Steve’s bed, resting his left ankle on his right knee and clasping his hands in his lap. “Unless you’d like to stay here?”

“No!” Steve sad up, wincing when the blood pressure cuff pulled on his left arm. “I’d like a bed!”

“Thought so.” Logan smirked and looked towards the door. Steve followed his line of vision, but saw or heard nothing for a few moments. Seconds later a nurse walked in with a bright smile and it occurred to Steve that Logan had senses that were even greater than his own, he’d probably heard the nurse down the hall.

“Good Evening, Captain Rogers, I’m going to be removing all the monitoring equipment if that’s okay with you.” The petite brunette smiled widely, displaying teeth that were almost too big for the small mouth she had.

“Please.” Steve nodded, gesturing to his left arm that was held hostage by a blood pressure cuff.

The young nurse moved quickly and professionally, not stopping to ogle Steve as he had grown accustomed to over the years and for that he was incredibly grateful. It was always awkward when someone gave him those wide doe eyes and expected to see Captain America. He appreciated what the image did for him, but sometimes it was an exhausting image to live up to. Not to mention disappointing when people instead get Steve Rogers and not Captain America as they had been expecting. It’s as though some people forgot that he was just a man beyond that suit.

“Have a great evening, Captain, and please take it easy.” The nurse smiled and moved towards the door, but not before giving Logan an appraising side-glance. The action made Steve laugh in amusement. So that’s why she wasn’t interested in Steve, with Mr. Tall, Dark and Snarky sitting next to him. He could understand the appeal though.

“You ready?” Logan asked with a raised brow when Steve continued to laugh long after the nurse had left.

“Definitely.” Steve smiled and jumped out of the bed, completely forgetting that he had spent the better part of the day in that said bed with serious injuries. Apparently his body didn’t though, given his legs went weak and he nearly fell to the ground, his body only stopped when Logan moved around the bed with inhuman speed and caught him, pulling him up against his own body.

“Careful.” Logan chided him gently, his face turned down in a scowl.

“Sorry.” Steve whispered and blushed at how breathy he sounded. It wasn’t intentional, but being _this_ close to Logan was doing things to his mind and much to his embarrassment, his body. Logan seemed impervious to it though, continuing to scan Steve’s body with that patent scowl as though expecting to find some sort of hidden injury.

Steve’s blue eyes darted over to the door, pleased to see it closed and curtain drawn. He didn’t know why, but he just felt like he needed to kiss Logan. Right now. Not in 5 minutes, or in 5 days. Right this very instant and, not for the first time in his life, he jumped two feet into it without giving it a second thought.

The kiss was soft and gentle, a stark contrast to the rapid pace his heart was beating at, but it was nice. Until Steve’s brain caught up to what exactly he was doing and with an embarrassed gasp he pulled away, immediately stuttering out an apology.

“I’m sorry!” Steve gasped, trying to pull away from Logan, but finding it difficult with shakey legs and strong arms refusing to let him go. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry, I should have asked. I shouldn’t have just –“

Steve’s ridiculous nervous rant was cut off by firm lips pressing against his own and the world tilting completely on it’s axis when Logan shifted their position and backed Steve up until the super soldier’s back slammed against the wall with a soft thud. Logan pressed his entire body up against Steve, slipping a firm toned thigh between Steve’s legs and allowing the blonde super soldier to feel exactly how okay with Steve’s actions Logan was.

Steve gave himself over to the kiss. It was once again completely different from anything he had ever experienced. Logan wasn’t attempting to meet him for dominance; he was absolutely running Steve over with it. Steve felt his neck fall back and his body go lax, hands tugging at Logan’s hair while Logan’s large ones gripped Steve firmly around his waist. If Steve gave off a small mewl of pleasure, he didn’t care. It wasn’t as though anyone was around to hear it and thank god for that because at this moment he wasn’t strong, assertive Captain America. He was impossibly aroused and more submissive than he’d ever been in his life Steve Rogers.

They kissed for an endless amount of time. Steve was unsure how much time passed before Logan pulled away and gave Steve one last chaste kiss and then rest his forehead against Steve’s. It was slightly infuriating how calm Logan appeared to be while Steve was practically panting.

“You don’t gotta ask, gorgeous. Not with me.” Steve gave a small foolish grin at the husk in Logan’s voice. Perhaps he had been more affected than he gave off.

“Okay.” Steve nodded and licked his lips, mentally cheering when Logan’s eyes flicked down to his mouth. “Same goes for me.”

“I plan on it.” Logan smirked and winked at Steve, chuckling lowly when Steve blushed fiercely. “Come on, Rogers, let’s get you to bed.”

And yeah, Steve knew his face went crimson with _that_ statement!

* * *

The Johannesburg base was similar to the one in DC. Simple walls, tiled floors, very sterile and cold feeling, but it made no difference to Steve. It wasn’t like he lived at this one. He only hoped his rooms here were similar to those as his ones in DC. They weren’t quite homey feeling, but at least there was carpet and more neutral earthy tones.

“Here we are.” Logan stopped, gesturing to the simple white door that was a cold contrast to the grey walls.

“Oh.” Steve looked at the door and blinked in surprise when Logan swiped a card and the door opened, revealing a room that was simple, but thankfully, not as cold in color and texture as the rest of the building.

“Bedroom is down the hall on the left, small living room right off to your right, a small kitchenette behind that and bathroom down the hall on the right.” Logan spouted off, clearly having a room that must have been similar in layout. “Key.”

Steve nodded as Logan handed him the card and just like that Steve felt like the bashful young man who had absolutely zero skill with anyone of any gender. Did he invite Logan in? Was that presuming too much? Or did he just say goodnight here? Did they kiss? If so, was it chaste? Or did he give himself over to his desire to kiss much deeper than chaste? He had absolutely no experience with this. His only real dates since the ice had been with Tony and the man had not been shy asking for what he wanted. Hell, he practically mauled Steve in the elevator the moment the doors closed. It had been easy following Tony’s lead, but this? Trying to lead himself? Hell, this was so new and he really didn’t want to screw this up.

“Goodnight, Steve.” Logan leaned forward and kissed Steve gently on his lips and pulled back, obviously completely unaware of the emotional turmoil that raged on within Steve’s mind. Steve nodded with a small smile and bit his bottom lip when Logan turned to walk away. It made him easy right? Wanting Logan to come in? That wasn’t acceptable behavior in this day in age? Or maybe it was. He slept with Tony on the first date, though he'd never admit that to anyone.

“Logan.” Steve called out before his brain even finished processing his own thoughts.

“Yeah?” Logan turned around and crossed his arms, giving Steve a flat look that gave nothing away, but Steve could see the amusement dancing in Logan’s brown eyes. It didn’t make him embarrassed or angry as he thought it might. It actually made him relax a tad, laughing at his own ridiculousness. Logan had stated multiple times that they were going at Steve’s pace, no matter how fast or slow that may be and based on the kiss they shared in the infirmary earlier, it was clear Logan was okay with his pace.

“Come in?” Steve asked, biting his bottom lip and cursing that stupid blush that dusted his cheeks when Logan smiled widely.

“Thought you’d never ask.” He quipped with a wink and walked passed Steve, pushing open Steve’s door further and disappearing inside.

“Dick.” Steve mumbled affectionately under his breath and followed Logan in. The door closed with a loud echo down the hall behind him.

* * *

Steve was more comfortable than he could ever recall being, lying in bed in only his boxer briefs, cuddled up next to the warmest body he’d ever been pressed against. Logan was long since asleep, breathing deeply and raising Steve’s head with every inhale. This was a position unfamiliar to Steve. Given his size, he tended to be the one that people cuddled up to, but somehow it felt natural for him to cuddle up to Logan. Logan was resting on his back, his firm chest acting as Steve’s pillow. His left arm was wrapped around Steve’s shoulders, keeping the super soldier close and his right hand was resting on his stomach, fingers still twined with Steve’s own. It felt nice to be held and taken care of, shameful as that may be to admit and it was made even more wonderful by how they naturally fell into this. Even after all of Steve’s silly fumbles earlier before.

Their evening in Steve’s rooms has been very nice, to say the least. When Steve followed Logan inside, he was surprised to see the man sitting on a simple black leather sofa, feet devoid of their boots and now resting on the coffee table. His left arm rest along the back of the couch and his right held the remote control that was flicking through the channels.

“Stop thinking.” Logan instructed him when Steve only stood there staring like a total looney tune. In his defense, he was so out of his element with this. Did he sit next to Logan? Or did he give them space? Would it be clingy to sit literally right next to him and under that muscular arm like he so wanted to? Or would it be too off putting if he sat in the chair off to the side?

“Rogers,” Logan sighed, dropping his arm and looking at Steve with a scowl. “Get your ass over here and sit down.”

Steve moved, his brain still struggling with his internal dialogue and when he sat on the couch, a cushion between them, he bit his bottom lip to stifle a wide smile when Logan growled and grabbed him and tugged him over so their bodies were pressed up against each other.

“You always this skiddish?” Logan asked with a soft huff, going back to channel surfing.

“I’m sorry.” Steve blushed and looked down at his hands in embarrassment. And this is why Steve never dated. He was horrible at it! It was only a matter of time until Logan realized what a damn lost cause he was.

“You’re fine, gorgeous.” Logan whispered into his ear, kissing the skin beneath it softly and smirking at the obvious shiver Steve gave in response. “Don’t overthink things. Just go with your gut.”

“Probably not a good idea.” Steve snorted inelegantly, leaning back against the strong arm that was resting on the couch back behind him.

“And why’s that?” Logan asked with a raised brow, his left hand instinctively coming forward to stroke the hair at the base of Steve’s skull.

“I tend to be impulsive and not think things through entirely.” Steve admitted, looking up at Logan from under his lashes. He licked his lips at the positively feral look in Logan’s eyes.

“That makes two of us.”

The words barely left Logan’s mouth before Steve found himself with a lap full of Wolverine and his mouth being positively owned by Logan. The kiss rivaled that of the one in the infirmary, but somehow felt even more intimate seems they were inside Steve’s rooms without fear of anyone seeing.

“Stop thinking.” Logan mumbled against his lips when Steve’s hands seemed to only hover over his body. Hips? Back? WHERE DID HE PUT THEM?! “Just feel, gorgeous, don’t think, just feel.”

It was like Logan flipped some switch in Steve’s brain with his words because the blonde did just that, he stopped thinking and thank god because otherwise he would have been mortified that his hands completely bypassed the PG-13 zones, hips and back, and went straight to R, gripping Logan’s ass firmly and forcing their covered groins to press against he each other. If he had been thinking, he’d been horribly embarrassed by his very forward behavior, but he wasn’t thinking, he was feeling and apparently his movement was totally fine given Logan absolutely growled against his mouth and ground down against him.

Their kissing was passionate and a new experience for Steve. He didn’t have to be the aggressor in this and despite being the Captain and team leader, he found it exceptionally inviting to just give himself over and allow someone else to handle the reigns every once in a while. Logan kissed with experienced precision and touched and caressed places in Steve’s mouth he didn’t even know he enjoyed. Like the sensitive part under his tongue, or the very roof of his mouth. Logan caressed them with his own tongue like a man on a mission and destroyed any higher function of his brain. Steve became a moaning, thrusting mess, completely possessed by his desire.

“That’s it, gorgeous, give into it.” Logan crooned into his ear before biting down on his lobe and holy hell did that do things to Steve’s libido. Especially when Logan’s left hand fisted in the hair at the back of Steve’s head and forced the blonde’s head to the side so he could attack Steve’s neck, biting, kissing and sucking possessive marks along the way. Steve moaned at the idea of being marked by Logan.

“Logan.” Steve whimpered. Yes, actually full on whimpered because anything beyond that was too difficult to even attempt.

The room felt like it was spinning and when Logan’s right hand slipped up his shirt and pinched his nipple in a very enticing way, Steve totally bucked up and came in his pants like an errant schoolboy. The orgasm had been absolutely blinding and he swore his vision seriously went white for a few moments. He at least lost rational thought long enough to miss Logan grinding against him further and growling his own completion in Steve’s ear.

“Do you top or bottom?”

And with one stupid question, Steve ruined the relaxed calm he and Logan had fallen into post frottage.

“What?” Logan leaned back and looked at Steve with a look that screamed ‘seriously?’

“Uh…” Elegant, Steve. “Do you top or bottom?”

“People fall into one category only?” Logan raised a brow and Steve could only blink in response to that.

“In my experience, yes.” Steve mumbled, knowing his face was blushing furiously and hating every second of it.

“Steve,” Logan sighed and shifted so he was no longer straddling Steve, instead sitting next to him at Steve was very pleased he didn’t whimper his dislike of the position change. “People are fluid, we can’t be put into a box.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded because what else was he to say to that? That he still wanted to know? Because he did.

“I switch, but I tend to favor top.” Logan finally admitted when Steve only stared at his lap and the growing wet spot on the front of his cotton pants.

“Okay.” Steve nodded like an idiot.

“Is that going to be okay?” Logan asked, grabbing Steve’s chin gently and forcing the blonde to look at him.

“Yeah.” Steve whispered, his eyes mapping out the contours to Logan’s face. “I tended to top more because Tony liked to bottom, but I’d like to try it. I dreamt about it –“

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

Steve’s lips shut with a snap and his eyes went saucer wide when he realized what he just said. Logan smiled widely at him with a wicked gleam in his eye.

“You dreamt about me?” Logan practically sing-songed, leaning closer to Steve and actually forcing the man to lean back until he was pressed against the back of the couch with Logan leering over him.

“What?!” Steve screeched, his voice high-pitched and cracking. “N-no!”

“Oh, I think you did.” Logan licked his lips and leaned in, kissing Steve softly, but very seductively. “Your blush says you did.”

“Oh my god.” Steve groaned and closed his eyes, unable to escape the reality. “Yes.”

“Mmm, what did you dream about?” Logan pushed, leaning down to kiss at Steve’s neck, the opposite side of the one he had marked as his own during their encounter earlier.

“You.” Steve murmured, burying his face into Logan’s shoulder as though he could physically melt into the man and hide from his own embarrassment. “Topping.”

“I’d like to.” Logan whispered, biting at the juncture where Steve’s neck and should met. Not enough to cause damage, but enough to cause a pleasurable pain. “I’d love to make you writhe beneath me and come close to the brink before I force you back. Drag it out until you are begging for it.”

Steve’s eyes rolled back into his head when Logan’s right hand reached down into his pants and gripped him firmly. His hand was hot, rough and amazing as it slowly slid along Steve’s very eager flesh. Steve knew somewhere in the recesses of his mind that Logan was talking to him, but he couldn’t focus on the words, his mind playing over the last dream he hand and much too soon, considering this was not his first climax of the night, Steve found himself crying out as he spilled over into Logan’s hand. Logan continued to pump him through his orgasm until Steve fell back against the couch completely boneless and sated.

“Come on, gorgeous, let’s get you to bed.” Logan roused Steve from his pleasure induced haze an unknown amount of time later. Clearly at least 5 or so minutes had passed seems Logan was devoid of any of Steve’s bodily fluids and wearing only black boxer briefs. Steve smiled dumbly when Logan gripped his hands and pulled him up, helping Steve stumble down the hall to his bedroom. Logan carefully set Steve down and went about removing his clothes in a quick and efficient fashion, Steve blushing furiously when Logan stripped him of his briefs, wiped him down and put him in new clean ones.

They had just snuggled into bed when it dawned on Steve he hadn’t returned the pleasure that Logan gave him the second time.

“Not all of us have super soldier refractory periods, gorgeous.” Logan snorted and pulled Steve against him, slipping off into a peaceful sleep some few minutes later.

Though Steve was exhausted and very pleasantly sated, he found sleep elude him for some time, instead focusing on Logan’s deep breaths and enjoying just the feeling of closeness. Perhaps Peggy had been right, perhaps this wouldn’t be like every other time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story: In my headcanon, Steve is sort of clumsy when it comes to relationships. Not in a bad way, but in an inexperienced sort of clumsy way so I plan on writing him like that. People tend to forget that even though he is technically pretty damn old, he was on ice for the vast majority of it so he's only got a handful of years experience under his belt as the super soldier. I'm really sorry if this doesn't fit in line with your own headcanon, but I really can't write him any other way.


	7. It's Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve faces Tony and Bucky for the first time in a less than stellar meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy 3 chapters in 1 day! I'm SOOoooo close to be caught up. Thank goodness!!

0700 came earlier than Steve expected and with that time rapidly approaching, the realization set in that Steve was going to have to see them. Bucky and Tony. One he hadn’t seen since their confrontation in DC. The other he hadn’t seen since the painful demise of their relationship.

Steve was quiet when he woke, his eyes opening on their own at 0500 due to his body’s own internal clock demanding he get up and do his daily run. He was going to. He had every intention of sliding out of the bed, donning his workout clothes and running laps in the gym, but when it came time to pull himself out of Logan’s grasp, he just couldn’t.

During the night their position had changed. Steve was no longer lying on Logan’s chest. Instead, he was lying on his side with Logan wrapped behind him, one arm under Steve’s head and the other around his waist, hand resting curled up near his chest. He was completely surrounded by Logan’s warmth and he was incredibly reluctant to leave it. It was safe and comforting and he gave into the selfish need to stay. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t get an incredible workout on his own during their mission. At least, that’s what he told himself when he was still mentally considering his options.

“You think too loud.” Logan murmured into Steve’s ear, drawing a surprised gasp. Logan just tightened his grip around Steve, drawing him further into his chest. “I’ll be right there.”

“I know.” Steve quickly said, wincing when he realized that Logan clearly knew what Steve was stressing out about. “I just don’t want any issues. This mission is too important.”

“There won’t be.” Logan’s right hand went flat against Steve’s chest, rubbing his soft skin gently. “Just focus on your mission and the rest will fall in line.”

“I wish I could believe that.” Steve sighed, scrubbing his face with both hands roughly.

“Then do.” Logan whispered. “In the meantime, you need to relax.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed in question, but before he could even ask, Logan’s hand slid down his body and into his boxer briefs and did an amazing job of making Steve forget what he had been worrying about.

* * *

Steve swore Phil knew.

He had to.

The way Phil was casting casual glances over to Logan and Steve, he just _had_ to know what they did. Was he judging him? Did he think less of the Captain now that he knew the Captain had spent the night with Logan? Was it written all over his face that he had spent a part of his morning in his bed, moaning and gasping as Logan rut against his ass while working his hand expertly over Steve’s own flesh? The bites were gone. That much Steve knew. When he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and do his other typical morning ablutions, he felt the pang of regret at his super soldier healing when he noticed all those sinful bites were now gone from his body. The mark Logan put there gone and merely a memory.

“Are you okay, Captain?” Phil asked, making Steve jump slightly. Logan snorted under his breath and shook his head in amusement.

“Yeah, why?” Steve nearly flinched at how high pitched his voice was.

“Do you need more time to recover from your injuries?” Phil looked over at Steve with a worried frown and it made Steve feel slightly better. Of course Phil was worried that Steve was still smarting from his injuries. It would have been silly to assume Phil actually knew or even cared what Steve got up to behind closed doors.

“I’m fine, Phil. Thank you for your concern. I was medically cleared and I’m very eager to get this resolved. The sooner we get that scepter out of Hydra’s hands, the better.” Steve focused on the door ahead of them, the last means of separation between him and his team. Him and Tony and Bucky.

"Well, I’m glad you’re better, Cap. We definitely need you today.” Phil smiled subtly at Steve as he opened the door and walked in.

Steve entered the room behind Phil in his full Captain America ensemble, taking the first seat closest to the door and, deliberately putting distance between him and Tony and Bucky. Sure, it was immature, but he just wasn’t ready to sit right next to them and play teammates yet. He felt great relief when Logan sat down next to him as he looked around to acknowledge each of his teammates. It took great effort to look Tony and Bucky in the eye, but he did and he was proud that he felt his face only slip slightly.

With everyone seated, Phil dimmed the lights and pulled out a small handheld remote, pointing it to what Steve knew to be a projector at the back of the room. Steve didn’t look towards it though. He didn’t move his head any direction because he felt Tony’s stare like a laser in the side of his head. He worried that if he looked at Tony, he’d break down and the man would see how weak he really was.

“This, Avengers, is why you are here.” Phil started, clicking his remote to bring up a picture of a middle-aged man. “This is Baron Wolfgang von Strucker, known Hydra commander and leader in human experimentation. Captain Rogers and Black Widow have been tracking him for months and we now have confirmation of his location, thanks to Dr. Banner.”

Steve focused on the photo, very familiar with the man on the screen as Logan’s hand subtly dipped under the table and onto his knee. It didn’t rest there, just a reassuring squeeze to let Steve know Logan was there and had his back.

“Strucker is currently in a Hydra stronghold in an Eastern European country called Sokovia. It’s small and plagued by war and civil unrest, making recruiting unfortunately too easy.” Phil sighed, clicking the remote and showing a satellite photo of the stronghold.

“We have intel that the scepter is currently within the confines of this stronghold.” Phil clicked his control again to a photo of a scepter everyone in the room, except Sam or Logan, recognized. The same scepter that Loki had tried to use on Tony to gain control. The same scepter he had used on a (currently) very rigid Clint and managed to gain control. “We also know there is some type of impenetrable force field around the building. Stark, we’ll need you to get a scan of the building immediately upon arrival and take that force field out.”

Tony made no audible response so Steve assumed he must have nodded. It irritated Steve that Tony couldn't find it in him to be professional, at least to Phil, though he kept his mouth closed. He would not goad Tony into any unnecessary arguments and no doubt chastising his behavior would do just that.

“Thor will be meeting us just outside of Sokovia and then we will engage to get the scepter. It is vital that we get this before they are able to move it again.” Phil turned off the projector and almost immediately the lights came back to full brightness. “Captain anything else you’d like to add.”

Steve immediately stood with a nod and steeled his nerves. He could do this, he was their Captain and he could be the professional leader they all know him to be. All he needed to do was relay the plan as he had formed it.

“We’ll split into 2 teams.” Steve started, looking around at each of the occupants with his stern ordering gaze. “Widow, Hulk, Hawkeye will be grouped together on the ground. Falcon, I need you in the air to cover them. Wolverine, Thor and I will be on the ground coming from the other direction, Iron Man, I’ll need your eyes in the sky.”

“What about me?” Bucky’s tone was cold and serious. It reminded Steve too much of his Winter Soldier tone and it made Steve’s blood run cold.

Steve, never one to back down from a challenge, turned to face Bucky. “You’ll be in the helicarrier with Phil and the rest of the SHIELD team.”

“Why?” Bucky demanded through clenched teeth, his metal arm fisting on the table top.

“You know why.” Steve’s eyes narrowed slightly. It surprised him that despite how much time had passed, he and Bucky were still to communicate so much through their eyes and expressions.

_You’re being a punk._

_You’re an impossible, selfish jerk._

“I’m a valuable asset to the team.” Bucky seethed. “I’d be better use on the ground.”

“You’d be a liability on the ground.” Steve retorted flatly, crossing his arms across his chest. He should have known Bucky would challenge this decision, hell, it was why he opted to tell Bucky himself instead of Phil.

“I think you’re crossing a line there, Cap.” Tony cut in and Steve knew his face had gone rigid in anger. He couldn’t help it. Did they _really_ need to gang up on him on the first mission out the door? Is this what he could expect from every mission?

“I’m making the best decision for my team.” Steve’s jaw hardened and his blue eyes radiated the intensity of his fury.

“By leaving a valuable one out? Yeah, not buying it.” Tony shook his head with a pursed lips and the gesture made Steve see red. How dare Tony question him like this in front of the team.

“You’re welcome to opt out of this mission, Stark.”

“Let’s be real, you need me.” Tony snorted in his typical unaffected bravado. “And you need Bucky. Put him out there too. There’s no reason to leave him out.”

“You made some advancements then?” Steve asked, knowing from Bucky’s own expressions and posture that Tony most certainly did _not_ know the reason why Steve did not want Bucky in the field today.

“Advancements in what?” Tony’s brows furrowed in question. The other team members’ eyes flit back and forth between the two former lovers as though watching an intense tennis match.

“Exactly.” Steve nodded with a smug expression. Gotcha! “Barnes is out until other issues are resolved.”

“The fuck, Steve?” Tony shot from his chair, his face contorted in rage. "Either share with the class or put Bucky in. You’re just coming across as the jealous jilted ex-lover right now.”

Steve felt like the oxygen had been sucked from the room. He swallowed against the lump that was forming, actually tasting the salt of his tears in the back of his throat and willed his body to not react. He couldn’t lose it. Not right now, not here, not like this. He couldn’t allow himself to succumb to Tony’s barbed words in front of the team and show everyone just how much this all still hurt when Tony and Bucky were both clearly so passed what happened. It was only Logan’s foot that was pressed against his own that kept him from fleeing the room.

"He’s talking about your boyfriend’s programing, you jackass.” Logan growled from his seat next to Steve. Tony shook his head.

“What programing?” Tony looked back to Bucky who was staring at the table with a furious scowl on his face.

“The one where a single word triggers the transition to the Winter Soldier.” Natasha cut in silkily.

Tony stared at her with an agape jaw and Steve knew for certain that Tony hadn’t known the extent of the programming that Bucky underwent. And wasn’t that just poetic? The liar got lied to.

“Hydra told all their commanders the phrase to activate the programming.” Steve knew his voice shook, but he pushed on, even when Tony refused to look at him. “We allow Barnes in, they’ll use it and turn him on us. You ready to take out the Winter Soldier?”

Tony only continued to stare at Bucky and it cut Steve acutely. He was right there, seeing with his own eyes just how much these two men didn’t need him. Had they ever really needed him?

“Didn’t think so.” Steve sneered and turned on his heel, slamming the door open and fleeing out it without so much as a glance back.

Steve tore down the hall, destination completely unknown, but it didn’t matter. He needed to be as far away from Tony and Bucky as he physically could be. He wasn’t even sure of his endgame until Logan caught up with him, grabbed his arm firmly and tugged Steve down a corridor. Steve mindlessly followed Logan, his mind replaying Tony’s painful words on repeat in his mind. Is that how he came across? As the jilted ex-lover? Christ.

"Steve, fuck Stark.” Logan growled as they entered into familiar rooms. Steve couldn’t even find it in him to be concerned how Logan was able to gain access to his quarters when Steve had the key. “The guy is an asshole.”

“Is that how I sound?” Steve looked at Logan with wide eyes and in the safety of the place he had shared the amazing night before with Logan, Steve allowed his pain to show in his blue eyes.

“No.” Logan shook his head vehemently, gritting his teeth in a way that undermined the calm he was attempting to show. “He’s pissed right now because he didn’t know about Barnes’ programming so he’s lashing out at you.”

Steve nodded, but he wasn’t sure he believed Logan. There was real rage in Tony’s tone. Real venom that could only be there because of Steve.

“Don’t do this, Steve.” Logan gripped Steve’s face roughly in his hands, forcing Steve to look him in the eye. “Don’t let Stark get to you like that. He’s an asshole –“

Steve sighed and shook his head. “He’s –“

“An asshole.” Logan cut in again, this time more forcefully, his hands tightening ever so slightly on Steve’s face. “Don’t let him do this to you, gorgeous. Don’t let him make you doubt yourself or question who you are. You’ve done abso-fucking-lutely nothing wrong. He’s the asshole who doesn’t have an open line with his boyfriend. He’s the asshole who has no respect for his Captain. If he can’t fall in line like he should, then fuck him, we don’t need him.”

Steve nodded with a small smile, his heart lifting at the determination in Logan’s tone. The man’s eyes shone bright with passion and fury and it made him feel safe, just knowing that he had someone on his side and someone willing to go toe to toe with Tony and Bucky when he felt he couldn’t.

“Say it.” Logan demanded, resting his forehead against Steve’s. “Say you don’t need him.”

“I don’t need him.” Steve whispered, his eyes fluttering closed when Logan’s body pressed up against him and sandwiched him between the wall and Logan’s firm body.

“Again.” Logan growled, leaning down to kiss at Steve’s neck. The kisses were soft and gentle, a contrast to the strength in which his left hand continued to hold Steve’s face. His right had disappeared, only to reappear on Steve’s ass, pulling him against Logan.

“I don’t need him.” Steve’s head fell back against the wall his own hands coming up to grip Logan’s back firmly as the man continue to pepper his neck with soft kisses.

“Damn straight you don’t.” Steve barely heard the hiss of words before Logan took his lips in a passionate kiss and succeeded in making Steve forget, even if for only a moment, just how shitty things had been just a few minutes prior. And if Steve had to wipe away the evidence of their quick and dirty handjobs against the wall from the front of his Captain America costume, no one had to know.

* * *

"You cool?” Sam asked as soon as Steve and Logan joined the forming team at the helicarrier. Natasha was standing next to him, her face cool as always, but her eyes clearly scanning Steve for any evidence that he was not okay after Tony’s confrontation.

“I’m okay. Thanks.” Steve ducked his head, hoping his blush remained below the collar. He assumed it must have failed to when Natasha smirked ever so subtly and her eyes flicked to Logan, if only for a second. A few seconds later, when Steve felt he had his blush under control he looked over to Bruce, giving the man a welcoming smile. “Hi, Bruce, good to see you again.”

“You too, Steve.” Bruce nodded and shoved his hands back into his pockets, clearly uncomfortable with the entire situation, not that Steve blamed him. It was awkward for everyone.

“We ready to load up?” Logan asked when Sam and Natasha didn’t move to board the hellicarrier.

“Waiting on Barnes and Stark.” Natasha smoothly replied, nodding slightly in response to whatever gesture Logan had made that Steve did not quite catch.

“Okay.” Steve nodded and clapped his hands. “Are you all ready to go at least? Any questions?”

“Nah, I think we got this.” Sam smiled and pat Steve’s shoulder before gripping it firmly. It was the only warning he got before Logan tensed beside him.

“Steve.” Tony sighed, from Steve’s side, making the Captain go completely rigid in barely contained anger.

“Save it.” Steve snapped and turned his back to Tony to board the helicarrier. He didn’t need Tony. He didn’t need Tony.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Tony called out, stopping Steve’s movements like a magic word. “I’m an asshole and while this is nothing new, you didn’t deserve my asshole comment. So, I’m sorry.”

Steve’s back was completely rigid as Tony made his apology and for a split second Steve considered walking away without even acknowledging the apology, but he didn’t. He was above that. Despite how things ended between him and Tony, if they were ever going to work together as a team again, they needed to be able to put aside their differences and focus on the mission at hand. And Steve could so he turned around and faced Tony with what he hoped was the most impassive expression he’d ever seen and nodded his head.

“Thank you, apology accepted.”

Tony nodded and turned, leading Bucky towards the helicarrier without a word. Steve was unsure if he felt relieved or angered that Bucky didn’t even glance up at him once, his head hanging down and hiding his face behind his lanky hair. Perhaps it was for the best. If they couldn’t even talk to each other without a fight, perhaps it was better that they just didn’t speak at all.

“Shall we?” Sam gestured to the helicarrier. Steve immediately nodded and followed Sam, Natasha and Bruce onto the aircraft with determined steps. He could do this. He would do this. Right now all he needed to know was that he was Captain America and he had a mission to do. It also helped that he had a heavy hand on his lower back, supporting him and reminding him that no matter how dismal it seemed, Steve Rogers wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As most of you know, the next chapter in the sister fic is Bucky's POV about everything so to keep in sync, I decided the next chapter in this story will be Logan's POV! I'm so excited to put his thoughts out there as well as delve a little more into the backstory of him and Steve, especially their little night time shenanigans in his tent. ;-)


	8. It's Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan reflects as the team makes their way to Sokovia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie folks, so I’ve been trying to stick with the Marvel cinematic verse for my facts/descriptions/etc, but I need the Logan/Captain America working together during WWII backstory so we’re going to rock the comic verse for that. I like it. It works with my story so yeah. Also, there is no hard date of birth for Logan in the Marvel comic verse so I’m going to put him born on April 4, 1884. It's totally not needed and has ZERO impact on the story, but I felt like he needed a birthday. Perhaps for future use ;-)

Logan had learned in the 131 years he had been alive to find pleasure in the little things.

As such, he most certainly was enjoying the way Tony Stark was currently eyeing up Steve with such an air of longing about him. Was it mean? Perhaps, but then Logan never claimed to be a good man. He tried. He tried to fight for what was right, but much like Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes, there was red in his ledger. Hell, he shared the experience of having Captain America as a hit target with Barnes, but unlike the two brunette menaces, Logan didn’t make excuses for his actions. He didn’t hide behind daddy issues like Stark or Hydra brainwashing like Barnes. He owned the fact that there was some nasty shit in his background and it was that that separated him from them. So he felt zero remorse for enjoying how utterly sad Stark looked at the current moment and how oblivious Steve was to it.

That was something that hadn’t changed about Steve; he was so completely unaware of the effect he had on people. And not just as Captain America, but also as Steve Rogers.

Captain America had been his target.

_Recruit or Kill_

He had been given a choice to either convince the Captain to join the forces he was working for or kill the man himself. Seraph had been with him, overseeing his progress and reporting back, but at the end of the day, he couldn’t kill Captain America. Not because of the American Icon, but because of the man beneath it, Steve Rogers.

Steve was unlike any man Logan had ever met and that was saying something seems he had seen much of the world by the time he returned to the Devil’s Brigade to fight in WWII. He had met kind men, innocent men, evil men, greedy men, naïve men and every other variation in between, but Steve was the first man he’d ever met that Logan could classify as a good man.

In fact, Steve Rogers was the epitome of good. He was selfless and brave, but not in a martyr type of way. He loathed the celebrity he had become, but endured it as a way of spreading what he perceived as good. He challenged authority, but still respected it. He was a rare gem hidden in a cave of coal and Logan was only human, he couldn’t help being drawn to the brightness that was the man.

The thing was, being around Steve made you feel as though you too could become good. He had a way about him that he could convince anyone to do anything, but he had yet to use that power for any selfish gain and Logan became in awe of this man. He was not vengeful, nor hateful, nor greedy, nor selfish, nor spiteful. He was just…good.

Logan had a long list of regrets in his life. Far too many for him to even consider thinking about, but one regret he did have and would admit was not being honest with Steve during the war. He had confessed to the blonde man in the privacy of his tent that he had enjoyed the pleasures a man had to offer and had welcomed the opportunity to show Steve a small glimpse of that, but he had not allowed himself to confess to Steve that he would have enjoyed the opportunity to be more than just an experience for him. It was probably one of the rare times Logan thought he perhaps had some good in him, the moment he let Steve believe he was merely a friend helping a friend. The night they had shared had been a brief ray of light in a dark and dismal life. Logan held onto it for longer than he would admit, if even only to himself.

Then Steve died.

Seeing the newspaper had only confirmed the suspicion that Logan had long had, that the world was an ugly place and good did not prevail.

Logan continued on. He met people, loved, lost, lived, fought, hated. He tried to fight Charles Xavier when the man wanted to recruit him, but he ended up joining the fight with Steve’s memory in the back of his mind. He tried to become a good man and he never succeeded. Logan embraced the reality that he never would. There was too much in his past that would prevent Logan from ever being “good”, but he could damn well try.

Charles had been the one to tell him that Steve came out of the ice.

His friend had seen in Logan’s mind the feelings that Logan denied, even to himself, and carefully sat the man down to tell him that Captain American had been found, but even more important, Steve Rogers lived.

Charles had been very kind with his words and even more kind to look away when Logan’s bottom lip trembled and tears clouded his vision. Logan was not one to display emotion, in fact he questioned if he even had them most of the time, but finding out Steve was alive was like finding hope. If Steve was alive then there was hope for a better future.

Logan didn’t go to Steve though. He couldn’t. Call him a coward, call him selfish, call him anything because he did not care. He just could not face Steve. Not with Steve’s final words still etched in his mind.

_You’re a good man, Howlett._

But Logan wasn’t. He hadn’t turned out to be one. So he remained at the school and distanced himself from everyone, including Rogue, who he had been romantically involved with at the time. Though, how romantic could you be when you couldn’t actually touch flesh on flesh? The relationship had been a bit unorthodox to say the least. Though he and Rogue shared an emotional connection, the lack of physical connection made things tense at times. The solution had been an open relationship. Logan had been given Rogue’s approval to seek out physical release when the urge became too great. It was unusual, but it had worked for them because he adhered to her 3 rules: the other person must be male, he must have Rogue’s okay prior to any encounters and the other person must be aware of the arrangement. It had been simple, until it wasn’t.

Steve’s return had increased Logan’s need 10-fold.

_You’re deflecting, Logan._

Charles had chided him about his behavior, but it was like a scratch that no matter how much he itched, he wasn’t sated. It put pressure on his relationship with Rogue and it was most likely what ultimately pushed her into the arms of Remy. God, Logan hated that asshole, Gambit. He especially hated knowing that somehow he was able to touch Rogue and not fall victim to her uncontrolled powers.

_I love you! You know I do!_

Rogue had cried when Logan finally ended things. It was unfair of Logan, he’d admit, but then, he wasn’t a good man. He was not Steve Rogers. While Rogue had found somewhere in the depths of her soul to not hate Logan for his physical needs, Logan could not return the same to her and the night she had asked him for his permission to be physical with Remy, Logan cut things off.

He went nomad once again after that. He could not stick around and watch the woman he had loved fall in love with someone else. She deserved it. God, Rogue, his Anna, she deserved to be held and kissed and loved through the night, but Logan was not strong enough to stick around and watch it. They could have continued their open relationship. Lord knows she deserved to finally reap the benefits of that particular arrangement, but they hadn’t. Instead Logan ran and Rogue fell in love.

_Logan, I need to speak to you. It’s regarding Steve._

Logan stayed away from the school for years. He rode his bike around the country and traveled the world as he once had until he was lying in bed with the wife of the man he had been tracking to kill when Charles appeared in his mind. Logan took the redeye home that night.

Charles met Logan at the door, opening it before he even had the chance to knock. He lead Logan through the school, casually mentioning that most of the students and staff were not present, answering his unspoken question as to Rogue’s whereabouts. When they arrived in Charles office, the man pulled up several e-mails between him and a Sam Wilson about the condition of Steve Rogers.

Logan wasn’t dumb. He had been aware of Steve’s ill-fated relationship with Tony Stark because let’s be honest here, the man had been an absolute ass even as a youth that Logan doubted he had become much more than that in his adulthood. So he was unsurprised to discover that Tony Stark and Steve Rogers had ended things. He was surprised, however, to discover that it was the result of Stark’s infidelity with none other than Bucky Barnes, Steve’s old friend who had returned from his own “death”.

_He’s a loaded cannon, jumping into danger without thinking and on a damn mission to get himself killed._

Sam had been passionate in his telephone conversation with Logan and Charles, holding absolutely nothing back as he informed the two mutants on how he had met Steve and grown to be his friend, his best friend if the situation at had was anything to go by. He was worried for his friend, who appeared to have fallen into a severe depression after the demise of his relationship. Knowing that Logan had been friends with Steve back during the war is what lead Sam to contact the Professor in hopes of convincing Logan to help the super solider.

_We’d be honored to have you work for us, Mr. Howlett, as a contract employee of course. You would be free to continue your work with Professor Xavier as needed._

Phil Coulson invited Logan to join SHIELD as a contract employee that same day. The phone call conveniently came only minutes after they finished their discussion with Sam and Logan was made an offer that only made it clear to him just how worried they were about their Captain. Still, Logan wasn’t strong enough to go. Steve needed a _good_ man to help him. Not Logan.

_Steve is depressed, Logan. Surely you understand what it is like to feel alone in a world that forgot to let you die._

Let it not be said that Charles could not manipulate to achieve a goal, not that Logan was angry. If anything, the fact that Charles was willing to manipulate Logan’s emotions was a testament to just how worried everyone was and though he wasn’t a good man, he could at least fake it.

He arrived in DC that same night.

_Howlett?!_

Steve’s blue eyes had been wide when Logan walked in, his duffle slung over his shoulder. Logan barely had the opportunity to drop the bag before he found himself pulled into a fierce hug by the super soldier himself. The man holding him with such force a normal human would have found themselves facing broken bones or at least heavy bruising, but Logan was not a normal human so he held Steve in return with the same intensity.

_I’m so glad you’re here._

The tedious process to pull one Captain America out of his brokenhearted induced funk had only reaffirmed one thing to Logan: Tony Stark was an asshole. Sam hadn’t been wrong when he said Steve was reckless. The man didn’t even think before he ran into a room, ready to attack any threat that came up and seemed immune to all the warnings and pleas from his friends and teammates. Logan wasn’t in that same category though. While had once liked to think himself Steve’s friend, he really wasn’t and as such he didn’t take Steve’s attitude to heart. He met one snarky comment with one of his own. He challenged Steve. He went toe to toe with the man and it seemed _that_ was what helped pulled Steve from the dark clutches. He needed a challenge and he had one.

_What’s wrong with me?_

Logan had been determined to keep things with Steve professional and possibly even friendly until Steve had asked him with that damn honest “please tell me” look in his eye what was wrong with him. He refused to settle on nothing because Steve just “knew” if nothing was wrong then Tony would not have cheated on him with Bucky of all people. If nothing was wrong then Bucky wouldn’t have betrayed him so he was asking Logan, as his friend, what was wrong with him.

That was the day that Logan decided he was done being the “good guy”, or at least doing a damn fine impression of one, and was going to be the guy who helped Steve move passed Tony Stark. After all, the man was the least deserving person of that kind of loyalty. Watching Steve punish himself for the sins of his lover was no longer something Logan was willing to do.

_"You need to move on, Steve.” Logan gently nudged Steve with his foot when the blonde made no attempt to look up from his sketchpad._

_“Easier said than done.” Steve sighed, dropping his pencil and giving up all pretense of trying to draw. “People want Captain America. No one cares about Steve Rogers.”_

_“I do.” Logan was surprised at his own admission, though made no outward reaction to it._

_"What?” Steve asked with wide eyes and a breathy tone._

_“I care about Steve Rogers.” Logan shrugged and gave Steve a half-smirk. “I’d like to have Steve Rogers.”_

_Steve swallowed roughly, but his blue eyes never strayed from Logan. “Like back during the war?”_

_“Sure. Whatever you need, Steve.”_

Logan should have known to be a tad more forward with the super soldier because it appeared that even decades later, Steve was entirely unaware just how desirable he was and misunderstood Logan’s intentions. It took a few awkward days, one near death experience, but they were finally getting there. Logan shouldn’t have admitted he worried about Steve, or allowed the blonde to open his mind to the idea of Logan because what could the blonde possibly get out of it beyond more heartbreak? Logan was not a good man.

He was one thing though, a stubborn asshole who _did_ know exactly what a good man Steve Rogers was.

Steve had been left far more hurt by the demise of his relationship with Tony than Logan originally estimated. Every move he made was slowed by doubt. He spent more time worrying his bottom lip and questioning what to do than he did giving into his feelings. He was so unselfish and had spent so much time with a selfish person that he completely forgot that it was okay to ask for something you need. He forgot that it was okay for him to want something for himself and to hold onto it. He blushed far more than Logan remembered and Logan hated the way the man would look down and fidget in embarrassment. Like he was a child who remembered they shouldn’t have asked for ice cream despite eating all their supper and being good and being promised that ice cream.

Steve had been inexperienced when he and Logan fooled around during the war, but Steve had been far more self-confident back then and it made Logan absolutely furious that the actions of two selfish dicks could damage that in a man who was so kind. So yes, Logan absolutely was enjoying Stark’s misery. He was enjoying the way Steve leaned towards him when he needed support or the way Steve’s shoulders relaxed just slightly when Logan touched him. He was enjoying the abject despair that seemed to have clouded Stark and Barnes’ interactions. He was enjoying the strength that Steve was starting to find again. He was enjoying the way Steve was slowly beginning to unwind and when prompted, lose himself in his own feelings. He was enjoying the smiles that were making a comeback. He enjoyed every single little thing that showed that Steve Rogers was still the strong, noble, good man he always was and most of all, he relished that Steve was starting to see it again too.

Again, he may not be a good man, but Logan would damn well make sure that Steve remembered that he was and he would not allow Steve to settle for anything less than someone deserving of that. And that was most certainly not Tony Stark or Bucky Barnes.


	9. It's Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers assemble to take out Strucker and take back control of Loki's scepter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but I had some trouble with this chapter. Originally I was going to retell the chapter in Steve's POV, but opted to do something a little different. This sort of picks up later in the fight and shows more of the after battle interactions. I'm already working on the next chapter and hopefully that'll be up in the next couple of days. I'm almost caught up! Whew! 
> 
> On a side note, in doing research for this story (trying to figure out if we're going OT3 or not, etc) I have found a ridiculous amount of Stuckony stories that focus on Tony being such a gigantic pansy and Steve/Bucky being protective, making him the cream in their sandwich, blah blah blah. Does anyone know of any OT3 stories that aren't that way? I don't care if they are Steve-centric or Bucky-centric just NOT Tony-centric? Not going to lie, the insane amount of Tony-centric stories are really making me want him to end up alone and miserable just to be different. ;-)

Steve was pissed off.

There was no better way to articulate how he felt than to mentally use a word he would have chastised any of his team for using. Like he had with Tony earlier in the fight, but in his defense, such language was not necessary over their comm system in which everyone, including the SHIELD operatives back on the helicarrier, could hear. It was unprofessional for such conduct. But in this situation, angry wouldn’t even come close to describing how he felt as he ran into the Hydra stronghold in pursuit of one man, Baron Wolfgang von Strucker.

The fight had started off about as normal as always, but then the enhanced that Strucker had experimented on joined the fight and it added a new element of danger to the fight. Clint was hit as a result and it was bad enough that Natasha, one who rarely ever even raises her voice during battle, to actually admit it was needed for the archer to be evacuated out of the fight. Then the same blur of a man knocked Logan and Steve off the bike they had been riding and it caused Steve to land right in the middle of a group of Hydra agents and Logan to slam against a tree with enough force that a branch impaled through his side. Thankfully, the moment he pulled off the branch his own mutant abilities began healing the wound, leaving behind only a cut in his black shirt and leather jacket and obvious blood staining his flesh.

But still, Steve was pissed off.

“We're locked down out here.”* Natasha’s, once again, calm voice called over the comm, releasing some of the tension that had settled in the super soldier’s broad shoulders.

“Then get to Banner. Time for a lullaby.”* Steve ordered after he removed his helmet. Didn’t matter how much time passed, the piece was always too restricting and he hated confronting these monsters with it on. Sure, Captain America had an issue with their motives and their behavior, but it was Steve Rogers who had a real bone to pick with them.

Steve followed through the building, knocking out guards as he came upon them until finally, _finally_ , he found his mark.

“Baron Strucker. Hydra's number one thug.”* Steve was grateful that his voice was calm and in no way betrayed the absolute hatred and rage he was feeling inside. There was no room for it on missions.

“Technically, I'm a thug for SHIELD.”* The monocle wearing man smirked slightly at the blonde, making every hair on the back of his neck stand up and the desire to punch him square in his face twitch his hand.

“Well, then technically you're unemployed. Where's Loki's scepter?”* Steve stared at the man before him, feeling the disgust raise with every passing second. He hated Hydra. He especially hated how these men were in fact, just men. They weren’t monsters. They weren’t aliens. They were _men_ , human beings capable of feeling and rational thought, and yet they did such horrific and inexcusable things.

“Don't worry, I know when I'm beat. You'll mention how I cooperated, I hope.”* Ha! Fat chance of that!

“I'll put it right under "illegal human experimentation." How many are there?”* Steve pressed, unseeing of the figure advancing on him until it was too late. Almost out of nowhere a female materialized to his right and with a red mist of energy emitting from her hands, pushed the blonde back and down the stairs. Much to his dismay she disappeared behind doors, slamming them shut without any move towards them and preventing Steve from following.

“We have a second Enhanced. Female. Do not engage.”* Steve warned his team, looking back at Strucker with a glare strong enough to make the man flinch back.

“You'll have to be faster than...”* Call it unprofessional, but Steve was done. 110% done with Strucker so before the man could finish his sentence, Steve kicked at his shield, that he dropped when he was propelled back by the second enhanced, and enjoyed the clank it made when it smacked into the scientist, rendering him unconscious.

“Guys, I got Strucker.”* Steve pressed the button on his belt to activate his GPS for the SHIELD agents that were nearby in quinjets.

“Yeah, I got…something…bigger.”* Tony returned over his comm, making Steve furrow his brows. The man sounded a cross between in awe and slightly scared. Steve was about to ask Tony for clarification when loud footsteps were heard coming down the hall towards him.

“Steve?!” Logan called out, his voice hoarse with worry.

“In here.” The blonde super soldier reached up to his earpiece and muted his mic, not wanting anyone to hear their conversation. He knew Logan had already done the same seems the man used his first name and he, like Sam, respected Steve’s desire to militant like professionalism.

“You okay?” Logan asked, walking into the room and looking between Steve and Strucker.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Steve raised a fair brow, blue eyes darting back down to where he knew Logan had been injured. It was barely visible given the man had zipped up his leather jacket to hide the evidence of injury.

Logan smirked and unzipped his jacket, lifting up his tight black shirt to show Steve once again flawless skin that was only stained with blood where once had been a potentially life ending, for an average person, injury.

“Accelerated healing. You’re familiar with it.” Logan replied, dropping his shirt once Steve had looked away.

“Mine’s not _that_ accelerated.” Steve sighed and reached over his shoulder, putting his shield on it’s holder on his back. The moment his arms were free, he gave into temptation and approached Logan, his right hand dipping under the shirt to feel the unblemished flesh himself. It was a bit more forward than he would have been normally given the circumstances, but Steve could not deny himself the opportunity to get confirmation that Logan was okay.

“You’re okay?” His voice was barely a whisper, but Logan could hear the worry in it.

“Better than.” Logan softly responded, grabbing Steve’s face gently and placing a soft chaste kiss upon his lips. It was barely a press, but enough to ground the blonde and help lift his spirits slightly.

“Good.” Steve smiled slightly and nodded, backing away when Logan’s hands dropped down and the mutant looked over his right shoulder signaling the arrival of SHIELD agents.

Logan backed away from Steve and dropped down, looking over Strucker closely and that was how the SHIELD agents found them. Steve standing and glaring down at Strucker with his broad arms crossed across his chest and Logan closely inspecting the man and looking as though he’d love nothing more than impaling him on his adamantium claws.

Perhaps he did.

* * *

“It’s not happening, Logan, absolutely not!”

And Steve was angry again. Not quite the level of pissed off that he had reached during the mission to obtain the scepter, but definitely not happy. Though this time it wasn’t Hydra who was on the business end of his mood, it was surprisingly Logan.

“Why?” Logan asked so simply. As if what he was proposing wasn’t a violation of a person’s basic human right.

“Really? You have to ask?” Steve asked incredulously, eyes darting around the quinjet to ensure the team wasn’t listening. Thankfully they weren’t. It seemed everyone was rather quiet after their quick debrief on the helicarrier and were all eager to return to New York, which was where they were currently en route to.

“Yeah, ‘cause I think you’re being a bit ridiculous.” Logan shrugged and Steve’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

“It’s a violation of their human rights! Not to mention a gross invasion of their privacy!” Steve furiously whispered and stared at Logan, willing the man to back down. It failed. Spectacularly. If anything, it seemed to only amuse the man further.

“They’re working for Hydra and you’re worried about _their_ rights?” Logan snorted, shaking his head with a fond smirk. “Jesus, Steve, doesn’t it ever get exhausting?”

“What?” Steve shook his head in confusion.

“Being so fucking moral all the time. That fast asshole had me impaled on a tree and birdbrain over there,” he gestured at Clint with a nod of his head, “was hit by an energy weapon because of him and you’re defending _his_ rights?”

“That’s what separates us from them.” Steve passionately stated, his jaw firming. “If we stop holding ourselves to a higher standard then we are no better than them.”

“I’m not saying we need to string ‘em up and whip ‘em, I’m saying let Charles try to make contact through Cerebra and see if we can determine their motives. It would give us an edge if we knew the enemy we were fighting against.” Logan crossed his arms and continue to stare at Steve neutrally.

“We don’t even know if that would work. They are enhanced –“

“They’re the only two who survived his experiments. I think it’s safe to say they had the X-gene dormant in their makeup and the scepter activated it.” Logan interrupted calmly.

“It doesn’t make it right.” Steve shook his head. “I can’t condone that, Logan, and I doubt the Professor would agree with it.”

“Charles would.” Logan replied in a determined tone. “Because he’d want to know what is causing these kids to go dark side like this. There’s obviously a backstory and I think it would explain why they’d willingly turn themselves over to Strucker for his experiments. If we can determine their reason, then we might be able to determine the best way to go about neutralizing them.”

“It’s irrelevant now.” Steve looked back over towards the scepter, wincing slightly. “At least now that we have the scepter, he can’t do it to anyone else.”

Logan took a breath and Steve assumed he was going to continue the argument, but he didn’t. Instead the man let out the breath with a sigh and moved towards the scepter, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Feels good, yeah? I mean, you’ve been after this thing since SHIELD collapsed.”* Steve continued to stare at the scepter as Tony approached them, the engineer’s voice calm and collected and sounding in no way affected by anything. Steve hated how he managed it. Even if it was fake, Tony was good and sounding so sure and confident. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed this little raiding party, but –“

“No, but this..”* Thor trailed off, hand hovering over the very scepter his brother had used in his foiled attempt to claim Earth. “This brings it to a close.”*

“As soon as we find out what else this has been used for. I don’t just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?”* Steve’s intense blue gaze remained locked onto the scepter as if he physically couldn’t pull it away. And perhaps he couldn’t. Or perhaps he couldn’t look Tony in the eye.

“Banner and I will give it the once over before it goes back to Asgard. Is that cool with you?”* Tony proposed casually. “Just a few days ‘till the farewell party. You’re staying right?”*

“Yes, yes, of course. A victory should be honored with revels.”* Thor replied and Steve let the small smile it brought to his own lips to show through. Sometimes the god’s positivity was infectious.

“Yeah, who doesn’t love revels?”* Tony mumbled and Steve could actually feel the moment his gaze locked onto him. “Captain? You’re planning to stick around too, right?”

Steve hesitated, opening his mouth and closing it almost as quickly and blue eyes darting over to Logan, who was watching Tony with a thinly veiled calculating look. Steve was torn. He knew going back to New York would make the most sense, until the scepter was at least gone, but he wasn’t quite ready to be separated from Logan yet. Not when they were testing the waters to see where things could possibly go for them.

“Your old war buddy here is welcome to stay as well, of course. Help share in the celebration.” Tony casually mentioned as if he could read Steve’s very mind. And maybe he could. Maybe Tony was still attuned to Steve’s facial expressions and wouldn’t that just be awful?

Steve hesitated before finally looking over at Logan with a raised brow. He certainly didn’t want to put him in a bad spot.

“Professor don’t need me back so, up to you.” Logan shrugged.

“Yeah, come on, Cap, can’t have the team leader skipping out on our big revel!” Tony’s tone was almost friendly and it lift Steve’s spirits slightly. Maybe they could try to be cordial. After all, that would only benefit the team.

“Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and Hydra.”* Steve stated flatly before giving Tony a small, damn near impossibly to see, smile. “So yes, revels.”*

Tony nodded with a easygoing smile that made Steve’s stomach flip slightly, but not as much as it once would have. Steve was unsure how he felt about that development.

“I’ll have a suite made up on the same floor as yours.” Steve felt his throat close at Tony’s suggestion. He wanted to argue, but was physically unable to. He and Logan hadn’t had the chance to discuss being open to the team yet. Sure, they knew that Steve liked both men and women, but it wasn’t his place to out Logan to them.

“That won’t be needed.” Logan gave Tony a small smirk and Steve could just kiss him for handling the awkwardness like it was nothing and answering the difficult questions as Steve could not. “I’ll just stay with Steve.”

“Uh, sure.” Tony nodded after Steve failed to correct Logan and Steve wanted to curse the very blush he knew was dusting his own cheeks. If it wasn’t obvious that there was something more than friendly going on between Logan and himself, it was most certainly clear _now_.

* * *

“Lab’s all set up, boss.”* Maria Hill commented as she walked into the quinjet, Stark pad in hand. Tony turned around and graced her with a fond smile.

“Actually, he’s the boss.”* Tony smirked, pointing towards Steve, who was still gathering his own equipment from the jet. “I just pay for everything and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”*

Steve opted to ignore Tony’s little comment and dive right in to business with Maria.

“What’s the word on Strucker?”* Steve couldn’t deny he had been uneasy when SHIELD agents took the scientist away. It wasn’t that Steve didn’t trust them, he just hated not overseeing that personally. He would have felt a lot better if he had delivered the man.

“NATO’s got him.”*

“The two enchanced?”* Steve and Maria turned away from Tony and walked towards the exit, Logan following without direction.

“Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins.”* Maria handed Steve the Stark pad showing on file video of the twins. “Orphaned at 10 when a shell collapsed their building. Sokovia’s had a rough history. It’s nowhere special, but it’s on the way to everywhere special.”

“Their abilities?”* Steve flicked through the photos, heart clenching slightly at the photo of a clearly dilapidated and damaged building that had a good chunk missing. It was unfair that children be exposed to such violence.

“He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neuroelectric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.”* Steve stared blankly at Maria, earning a snort from behind him from Logan. “He's fast and she's weird.”*

“Well, they're gonna show up again.”* Steve handed Maria back her pad and pressed the elevator button in front of him, calling it to the top floor.

“Agreed. File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts.”*

“Right.”* Steve and Logan both entered the elevator and Steve hated the slight annoyance he felt at Maria’s comment. She meant well and she was absolutely qualified for her job, but sometimes even she seemed to lack a basic understanding of what could make people go to such drastic measures. “What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?”*

“We're not at war, Captain.”* Maria stated kindly, as though realizing her slight blunder.

“They are.”* It was a simple statement, but a true one.

“She didn’t mean anything by her statement, Steve.” Logan sighed and leaned back against the elevator wall when the doors closed, looking over at the blonde who was standing rigid.

“I know.” Steve nodded, but he couldn’t shake the slight feeling of judgement. And perhaps Maria hadn’t meant to imply anything by her comment, but it didn’t smart any less. “They’re no different from me.”

Logan’s brows furrowed at Steve’s barely whispered comment, choosing to keep silent as they arrived on Steve’s floor.

“Your floor, Captain Rogers.” JARVIS stated when the doors opened revealing an impressive formal sitting room.

“Thank you, JARVIS.” Steve sighed and exited the elevator, leading Logan through his own personal floor. The décor was simple, most of his personal effects having moved when he moved up into the penthouse with Tony and then of course to DC when his relationship with Tony came to an end. It was bittersweet being back here. He liked living in the Tower with the other Avengers and he was, of course, denied nothing with his amenities, but it still stung being back here. Seeing it without his own possessions only reminded him of why the room was so bare.

After showing Logan the formal sitting area, the small kitchen and dining room, his own study and the bathroom, the pair came to a stop in Steve’s bedroom. The room was impressive in size with an impossibly large dark wood sleigh style bed decorated with dark blue linens with two matching nightstands resting on either side and a tan upholstered ottoman at the foot. Across from the bed was a simple dresser and a few framed drawings. The one wall was floor to ceiling windows, but that was to be expected living in the Tower. The opposite wall, to the left of the doorway they were standing in was plain and bare, with a doorway that lead into the impressive bathroom that Logan had already seen and another smaller doorway that Logan assumed was the closet.

“Uh, this is –“ Steve scratched the back of his neck and blushed slightly. “This is my room.”

“Really?” Logan snorted and entered, looking around with a casual air about him. “Wouldn’t have guessed that.”

“Shut up.” Steve chuckled and finally pushed away from the doorway, opting to sit on the ottoman at the foot of the bed and glanced down at his hands.

“You okay being back here?” Logan sat down next to Steve, nudging him gently with his shoulder.

“Yeah. Of course.” Steve nodded and swallowed the lump that had taken up residence in his throat. What could he say? No? That it was harder than he thought? That the last time he had been in this room it was packing up a few of his belongings with his heart breaking?

“You don’t have to bullshit me, Steve.” Logan leaned back against the footboard of the bed and looked at Steve with a neutral expression. “I’m over 100 years old and I’ve had quite a few relationships in that time. I’m not gonna get pissed if you talk about him you know. He’s part of your past and this is this the first time you’ve been back since you left right?”

Steve only nodded his head, still staring at his hands.

“It’s okay for you to be upset.” Logan reached his right hand over to gently rub Steve’s back and Steve couldn’t resist the urge to lean back into the warm pressure.

“How do you do that?” Steve asked, looking over his left should at the mutant. Logan only raised a brow in question. “How do you always know what to say? I never do.”

“You’re still a kid.” Logan smirked when Steve rolled his eyes and scoffed and then leaned forward, his face morphing into something more serious. “You are though, Steve. I’ve been around for 131 years and though time puts you close to 100, you spent almost 70 of those years in the ice. It’s different from actually living them.”

“Wow.” Steve chuckled softly. “You really are old.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Logan pushed Steve and the blonde laughed, feeling the vice that had closed around his heart the moment he entered his floor again lighten a bit.

The two men sat on the ottoman quietly, the silence comforting as opposed to awkward. It was moments like these that were so unique to Steve. Tony usually liked to fill the silence with music or movies or just mundane chatter, but Logan was fine to just let the silence be as is. It was nice in it’s own way. It gave Steve the time to think or, in this case, just enjoy being present with someone he cared about.

“I need a shower.” Steve looked over at Logan when the man stood up and began removing his clothes, looking around for a hamper. “Got some clothes I can borrow?”

“Oh right.” Steve nodded and got up, walking over to the closet that was tucked away in the corner of his room. Steve looked through his old clothes and settled on a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a white shirt. Nothing fashionable by any means, but comfortable and worn in. He loved dressing down after a mission and just enjoying the soft fabrics against his body. He hesitated at the underwear drawer, furrowing his brows. Logan was not the same size in the waist, that was for sure. While Steve had a narrowed waist, Logan was firm and broad all through the chest and waist so it was unlikely he would not fit in any of Steve’s boxer briefs, but Steve didn’t exactly want to imply anything by not offering him undergarments, even if they wouldn’t fit.

“Don’t need ‘em.” Steve jumped slightly at Logan’s amused voice, noticing the man leaning in the doorway in only his black cargo pants, chest bare and face visibly amused.

“Right.” Steve’s voice was choked and he felt like he swallowed his tongue, his blue eyes openly checking out Logan’s half-dressed form.

“Clothes?” Logan raised a brow and gestured to the forgotten garments in Steve’s hand that was resting limply at his side.

Steve snapped to attention and walked over, handing the articles over with a bashful smile.

“You can look.” Logan’s voice was low and husky, far more tempting than it should be legal to be. “Your pace, remember?”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded and licked his lips.

The two men stood there, the tension mounting with every passing second as they just stared at one another. There was barely 6 inches of space between them and Steve felt like there was a magnet inside his body, pulling him closer to Logan’s. Steve bit his bottom lip to push back a whimper when Logan’s free hand landed on his hip. It wasn’t pulling or pushing, just resting there and grounding Steve.

“Thanks for the clothes.” Logan leaned forward and kissed Steve chastely, pulling away and walking towards the bathroom before Steve’s higher brain functions could even kick back online. The moment the door clicked shut softly, Steve let out a deep sigh and his shoulders slumped. He mentally chastised himself for not doing something, like reaching forward and wrapping his arms around the man and kissing him passionately like he so desperately wanted to. Why was he resisting? Logan had given him the all clear multiple times now, but he was still hesitant.

What was he so scared of?


	10. It's a Revel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team celebrates their success and Steve and Logan take their relationship to the next level. (Steve/Logan explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I'm officially caught up. Hallelujah!! Thank you all so much for your patience. I seriously underestimated how taxing it would be to get caught up, but I'm so glad that I did. It'll be so much easier to keep these stories on part with my update schedule now that I don't have multiple chapters in this one to catch up.

Much to Steve’s surprise, living in Avengers Tower again was not as difficult as he had been worried it would be. As expected, the first 24 hours had been uncomfortable for Steve as he tried to find his footing again, but by dinner the next night, things almost felt comfortable again. He was able to move throughout the building with ease and only felt a small twinge of sadness here and there, but nowhere near the gut wrenching pain he’d felt nearly a year prior. Even when Tony and Bucky were around. The two men had attended group dinners, though remained uncharacteristically quiet. Steve had felt guilt about that hoping his presence wasn’t putting tension on them, but it was forced away by Logan and his gruff “fuck them, Steve. Their problems aren’t _your_ problems.”

And Logan was right.

Though he still cared for both men, their obvious relationship tension was not his problem and it was liberating to allow himself the chance to let it roll off his shoulders.

He was cordial. He didn’t initiate conversation with Tony or Bucky directly, but if they asked him a question or were part of a conversation he didn’t deliberately ignore them. He’d even shared a couple chuckles with Bucky after a rather taxing spar session with Logan, in which Steve had surprised the man with his attack and was able to flip Logan on his ass. People underestimated him all the time. It was no shock to him that Logan would assume Steve would fight fair so there were many amused chuckles to be had when the mutant’s eyes went wide and he looked at Steve with surprise, approval and just a flair of heat.

It also helped that Steve wasn’t alone.

Facing Tony and Bucky as a couple was much easier with Logan at his side. The other man was incredible at being able to read Steve’s feelings and distracting Steve’s mind. During one meal Bucky had casually rolled his eyes at Tony and ruffled the man’s hair, but instead of pulling it away, he rest it affectionately on the back of Tony’s neck and allowed his fingers to caress the skin there. The move had felt like a punch to Steve’s gut, but almost immediately there was a grounding hand on his thigh and fingers enticingly tracing the seam of his khakis and creeping dangerously close to inappropriate places to be touching while at the dinner table with friends. But the move proved to be effective because not even a 3 minutes later Steve found himself no longer feeling the ache in his chest, but instead a fire in his lower belly and a sliver of irritation at the man sitting next to him who was talking to Bruce about some experiment he was working with Dr. McCoy on as though his pinky was not tracing the fly of Steve’s pants. The meal had been distracting to say the least.

They even attended movie night as a team, which Steve had found he missed more than he realized. It was comforting to sit as a group and enjoy the simple pleasures. Thor had been allowed to pick the movie, to which Steve was grateful because it meant it would be a silly movie with happy themes. And Frozen had been entertaining, even if slightly triggering for Steve.

But again, it helped having Logan there.

At first the two men had sat side by side. Steve knew in the back of his mind Logan was waiting to see how Steve wanted to handle their interactions in front of his team and he was appreciative of that. He appreciated that there was no pressure or questions, just mature understanding. For nearly 30 minutes the men just sat there, but one glance around the room told Steve that he was being silly with his hiding his relationship from the team. Natasha was curled under Bruce’s arm. Tony was curled under Bucky’s. Heck, even Clint had his arm around Thor, who seemed to be most aggrieved at the idea that Elsa felt she needed to hide a part of her. Most likely due to his own actions against Frost Giants before learning his adopted brother was one.

It was, though, the fact that everyone seemed so calm and comfortable, and completely _not_ paying attention let alone caring about what Steve was doing, that made Steve feel confident enough to make that move. He slightly held his breath when his left hand finally moved from being clasped with his right in his own lap to resting on Logan’s thigh. He saw Logan uncross his arms and feared perhaps the man was not comfortable with any form of affection in front of people, but those fears were silenced when he felt Logan rest his arm on the back of the couch behind him and rest his hand on the back of his neck. Feeling those slightly rough and calloused fingers trace the nape of his neck did things to his gut he didn’t want to acknowledge, especially when he had nothing around to hide any evidence of arousal. He did allow the smile that was threatening to form to actually pull his lips up and rest back further against the couch and into Logan’s strong arm.

He was grateful to Logan’s presence even more when Anna was frozen as she tried to save her sister. It was silly and Steve knew that, but it still made his blood run cold when she turned to ice because that had been him only years prior. He went rigid and tense, unable to stop his own body’s reaction, but Logan grounded him almost immediately be squeezing the back of his neck. It wasn’t hard, but also none too gently. Just enough to tell his brain that he could still feel which meant he couldn’t be in the ice. And Logan didn’t complain or even flinch when Steve’s hand tightened on his thigh.

But despite the brief flash of panic, the movie night had been equal parts entertaining and calming to not only Steve, but obviously the rest of the team. And if Steve ended up with nightmares, well, it was a price he was willing to pay to see his team so content as they all filtered out to their own floors.

* * *

“You good?”

Steve shook his head and looked over at Logan, who had apparently spit out his toothpaste and was now staring at Steve curiously. It was then that Steve realized he was holding his toothbrush up towards his mouth, but hadn’t actually started brushing his teeth yet.

“Oh, yeah.” Steve chuckled and shoved his toothbrush in, avoiding the conversation for at least 2 minutes while he mentally counted seconds and focused on the circular motion of his brush against his teeth. Logan rolled his eyes and rinsed his mouth out, but Steve knew the conversation probably wasn’t over.

The two men continued their evening pre-bedtime routines in Steve’s spacious bathroom. Logan washed his face and removed his clothes, tossing them expertly into the hamper in the corner leaving him standing bare as the day he was born. It took everything in Steve to avoid looking at the man in the mirror and by the smirk on Logan’s face, the arrogant jerk knew it too. Thankfully though Logan was mature enough to not tease him for it, instead opting to tug on some borrowed Captain America sleep pants. They had been given to Steve at Christmas 2 years ago by a laughing Clint. The man had apparently found a store that made pajamas in all the Avengers prints so each team member got those from him.

It did surprise Steve though the flare of pleasure and slight flicker of possessiveness he felt seeing Logan in those pants. Sure, he’d been borrowing most of Steve’s clothes since they’d been there, but there was something extra enticing seeing the mutant in Steve’s Captain America pants. Almost like Steve’s own brand upon the man.

And he better derail that thought right then and there before his thoughts ran away with him, but then….did he really have to? Logan had stated multiple times at Steve’s pace and had made it clear he was up for anything and had been exceptionally patient with Steve’s slow pace. He hadn’t even tried to grind his morning erection against Steve’s ass when they woke up. Instead Logan lightly shifted away and allowed Steve to act like it hadn’t happened.

Steve was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t realized two things. One, Logan had left the bathroom and was now in bed. And two, he’d been brushing his teeth for more minutes than necessary. Steeling his resolve, Steve spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth with water and after wiping his face of all water, he shed his clothes and pad into the bedroom in only his dark green boxer briefs with purpose.

Logan was lying on his back, looking at Steve neutrally as Steve moved around the bed to the opposite side and crawled in, pulling the covers up to his waist and sitting with his back resting against the pillows.

“G’night.” Logan leaned over and kissed Steve’s lips lightly, but when he went to pull away, Steve caught Logan with a hand on the back of the man’s neck and stopped his retreat. Logan didn’t move closer, but he didn’t move away either. Instead he just hovered there with one arm supporting his weight and looking directly into Steve’s blue eyes. They didn’t even dart down to look at Steve’s lips when he licked them. No words were spoken, but the message was clear in Logan’s eyes.

_Your pace, gorgeous._

Steve narrowed his eyes slightly at the raised brow from Logan that almost seemed to be daring him to make his move. Well, if Logan wanted to see what Steve could bring, then who was Steve to deny him? After all, Logan had been more than patient and it wasn’t like Steve didn’t want to be with him. So before Steve could talk himself out of it, he shut his mind down and leaned forward, kissing Logan with an intensity he had not realized had been brewing beneath the surface.

Logan was clearly taken aback by Steve’s passion, slightly stumbling on his arm when Steve’s tongue pushed into his mouth as opposed to slowly taunting his lips and asking for permission. There was no tease or gentle caress. Steve pushed through as though he owned the mouth he was kissing, but it was clearly all fine with Logan seems the man moaned loudly against Steve’s mouth.

He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to hear Logan moan that way until his own cock twitched heavily against his thigh at the intoxicating rumble against his lips. He realized then that he wanted to hear more. He wanted to hear Logan cry out and scream his name in pleasure. Without conscious thought, Steve was pushing Logan slightly and forcing the man back onto his side of the bed and onto his back, his thigh falling between Logan’s and nudging at his knee in request for the man to spread his legs so Steve could slip between them. Their hips slotted together perfectly as their kiss grew in intensity. Logan, not one to sit idle, met Steve’s passion with a fire of his own, but one that was slightly more cooled as though passively conceding to Steve’s dominance. His hands fisted in Steve’s hair and the blonde loved the way Logan’s body ground up against Steve’s own when he pressed down.

Steve pulled his mouth away from the ridiculously talented one beneath him and set about kissing Logan’s neck, nipping at skin and his pulse point.

“Steve.” Logan groaned, thrusting his hips up harder. Steve could feel the hard outline of Logan’s cock and felt the overwhelming desire to taste it.

“Can I blow you?” Steve whispered against Logan’s ear before tugging on his lobe.

“Fuck yes!” Logan growled, actually growled, and he promptly removed his hands from Steve’s hair and his legs from Steve’s waist. Steve had to shake his head slightly in surprise as he hadn’t even realized that Logan had wrapped his legs around his waist.

Determined, Steve kissed down Logan’s impressive chest, his tongue teasing Logan’s nipples for only a pause before shifting further down. He dipped his tongue into Logan’s navel and his hands gripped the top of sleep pants Logan was wearing. Logan lift his hips slightly and Steve tugged them down, not off entirely, but enough that it freed the beautiful and impressive cock that Logan was sporting. Steve was surprised at how enticing seeing Logan’s uncircumcised cock was to him. Tony, who had obviously been born much later than Steve and Logan, had been circumcised, whereas Steve had not.

“Steve.” Logan called, looking at Steve with a raised brow before looking back down at his cock again.

“I’m admiring it.” Steve smirked playfully at Logan and chuckled when the other man rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Hey, patience are a virture.”

“Not when my dick is only inches from your mouth it’s not.” Logan mumbled back and thrust his hips up playfully in request.

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve sighed and gripped the base of Logan’s cock in his right hand, leaning over to give a teasing lick to the tip. Logan let out a choked sigh, drawing Steve’s attention and when he looked up, Steve had to squeeze his own thighs together and will his own body to not reach it’s peak too soon at how positively wrecked Logan looked. The mutant was wide eyed and his unblinking gaze was honed directly on Steve’s mouth. His fists were clenched at his sides and Steve just knew the man was resisting the urge to grab his head. It was empowering to see Logan in such a state. To know that he, Steve Rogers from Brooklyn, was able to make someone as experienced as Logan so aroused made him feel pretty damn good. And pretty damn determined to see Logan completely wrecked.

The good part about having an uncircumcised cock himself was that Steve knew exactly what felt good so he set about to give Logan one hell of a blow job and by Logan’s gasps, moans and bellows of profanity, he must have been succeeding. He alternated between taking Logan far back into the back of his throat while he sucked hard and pulling the foreskin up over the tip of his cock and sticking his tongue down into it to tease the slit of Logan’s cock and the sensitive skin surrounding it.

“Fuck, Steve, gorgeous, I’m gonna come.” Logan breathily warned, back arching as Steve swallowed him down to the root again. Steve knew he had the option to pull away, but he surprisingly didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he enjoyed the taste of come, because let’s be honest, it’s bitter and gross, but he wanted to feel Logan in his mouth as the man pulsed and reached his completion. And moments later he was granted that when Logan grabbed his hair in a grip that bordered on painful and emptied down his throat. He realized in hindsight it was pretty damn smart going so far down seems he didn’t get much taste. Sure, there was the slight bitter burn of an aftertaste, but nowhere near as strong as having it directly on his tongue. 

Steve pulled off Logan’s softening flesh when the man’s thighs flinched from oversensitivity and he felt unabashedly proud at how wrecked Logan looked. The man’s hair was askance and his face was flushed and relaxed. Logan pant heavily for a minute while Steve rest against his stomach, his blue eyes happily mapping out every detail of the sated mutant.

“Good?” Steve asked with a slight hint of insecurity when Logan finally looked at him.

“Good?” Logan snorted, shaking his head. “Fucking amazing, gorgeous.”

“Good.” Steve blushed a hair and bit his bottom lip, not realizing how enticing that was to Logan.

“Yeah.” Logan whispered and sat up, forcing Steve to sit up on his knees. “And now it’s my turn to wreck you.”

Steve didn’t even have the opportunity to respond before Logan was absolutely owning his mouth in a passionate kiss. Hell, he didn’t even realize they were moving until he felt the softness of his linens against his back. Logan reached down without question and tugged Steve’s boxers down, pulling his lips away with a growl so he could sit up and tug them all the way off and not looking, Logan tossed them over his shoulder.

“You’re so sexy.” Logan murmured, eyes taking in every detail and dip while his hands rubbed the inside of Steve’s legs gently.

“Logan.” Steve whined, thrusting his hips up impatiently.

“What was that about patience?” Logan smirked when Steve huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Please.” Steve whispered as his passion and need grew with every passing second.

“What do you want?” Logan asked, finally giving Steve some relief as he gripped his leaking flesh and stroked it slowly.

“You.” Steve automatically replied.

“Okay. My hand? My mouth? My ass? Need more than that, gorgeous.” Logan was persistent, Steve would give him that.

“Mouth, please.” Steve licked his lips as he looked down at Logan’s own lips.

“Sure thing, gorgeous.” Logan raised his brows in a teasing fashion, but gave Steve no time to retort before he swallowed Steve down to the root and hummed loudly against the head of his cock. Steve’s back arched and he moaned loudly at the intense feeling. He lost himself in the pleasure, his hips unconsciously thrusting up into Logan’s more than willing mouth, and his hands lightly tugging on Logan’s hair. It felt amazing and yet at the same time, wasn’t quite enough.

Steve spread his legs even further apart, hoping to non-verbally signal to Logan what he wanted, no _needed_ , but clearly he failed seems the man made no attempts to touch him in an area he hadn’t been touched in far too long.

“Logan.” Steve finally choked out when the need to come became overwhelming.

“Hmm?” Logan hummed against the head of his dick, but at least looked up to signal he was listening. Steve knew he had to be blushing, but he didn’t care because at that moment he needed something more. He needed to feel Logan _inside_ him.

“Finger me? Please?” Steve bit his bottom lip, mentally praying the man didn’t pull away or ask for more information. And God must have been listening because Logan groaned against him and seconds later Steve found his own mouth full of three of Logan’s right fingers. Steve sucked on them sloppily, his tongue dipping between them and ensuring they were well lubricated. He must have succeeded because Logan pulled them away and moments later he felt the tantalizing brush against his furled hole.

Logan was clearly intent on driving Steve out of his ever-loving mind though because he didn’t push in. Hell, he barely grazed it. His wet finger teased the sensitive skin until Steve felt like he was going to absolutely catch fire if he didn’t climax soon!

"Logan, fuck, stop messing around and finger me!” Steve growled, pushing down against the finger and so lost in his own needs he failed to realize he swore. Obviously Logan had noticed though as the man moaned against him and pressed the tip of his middle finger into Steve’s body. Steve moaned loudly at the intrusion. He had forgotten how incredible the initial gentle sting was and his hands came up to his own head, tugging at his hair in desperation.

Logan was merciful though, thank goodness, and didn’t tease Steve for long. He seemed to have picked up on the level of desperation the blonde was at because he diligently worked his middle finger in until Steve’s body was demanding a second. When Logan pushed his index and middle finger in, Steve’s legs came up to Logan’s body, thighs landing on Logan’s shoulders and the heels of his feet pressing into the middle of Logan’s back.

“More, more, more. Please!” Steve wailed, his hips now working down against Logan’s fingers.

“Fuck that’s hot.” Logan whispered, having pulled off Steve’s cock in favor of watching the blonde lose himself in pleasure. Steve didn’t care that Logan pulled off, not when his fingers were grazing against his prostate in a teasing fashion.

“I’m close.” Steve pant, angling his hips slightly to allow Logan’s fingers to press with more intensity against his most sensitive areas.

“That’s it, gorgeous, come for me. Fuck yourself on those fingers and come for me.” Logan kissed the inside of Steve’s thigh, but kept his eyes glued on Steve’s face as it contorted with focus the closer he got.

“More.” Steve felt like his entire body was ablaze, but his orgasm still seemed out of reach.

“Greedy.” Logan chided him playfully, but denied him nothing as he insert his third finger along with the other two. Steve enjoyed the stretch further and pressed down against Logan’s hand, almost grinding on his fingers. “That’s it, gorgeous, take it. Maybe if you’re good next time I’ll fuck you. Would you like that? My hard cock fucking your tight ass.”

That was it. Between Logan’s filthy mouth and the constant pressure against his prostate, Steve tumbled over the edge so hard he actually blacked out. All he felt was intense pleasure and bliss before everything went dark. He’d never been so high in his life and when he came to a few, or many because really he had no clue how long he floated there for, minutes later he was cleaned of any fluids and laying with his head on Logan’s chest and the man’s strong arms around him.

“You okay?” Logan asked and Steve actually chuckled in amusement.

“Definitely.” Steve smiled and closed his eyes, not caring that he was naked or realizing that Logan was as well too. Nothing mattered except how amazing he felt and how happy he was to be exactly where he was at that moment. As consciousness slowly left him, Steve slipped into a peaceful content knowing the party the next night would be a great time and tonight he would most likely not dream of the ice for Logan had chased those fears away.

* * *

“And this jackass right here just runs right into the room and looked the Hydra leader in the face and said ‘You gonna go quietly? Or am I gonna have to make you?’”

Steve threw his head back and laughed at Logan’s dramatic retelling of a fight they had worked together on during the war to a couple of veterans at the party. The party was surprisingly fun, despite being overly large and much too flashly for Steve’s tastes. It helped surrounding himself with veterans like himself. Men who were up there in years and having lived through wars themselves. He hated seeing that haunted look in their eye, one that he knew could be reflected in his own, so if laughing at Logan’s story and at Steve’s expense helped, Steve could grin and bear it.  

“Did you really do that, Captain?” An elderly man with a World War II Veteran hat and sunglasses on asked in thinly veiled disbelief.

“Yeah, afraid I did.” Steve nodded with a slight blush to his cheeks.

“Yeah, our good old Captain just didn’t know when not to put his own ass on the line.” Logan snorted and took a sip of his beer, completely oblivious to just how gorgeous he looked in Steve’s black button up shirt and pants. Given his slightly larger frame the clothes were just a hair tighter on him and hugged his body in the most sinful of ways. Then again, perhaps Logan was aware seems he was smirking at Steve and winked playfully.

“Well Omaha Beach was no picnic either –“ The veteran chuckled, drawing laughs from the other men around him and as he started in on a story from the war, Steve allowed his own mind to drift off just momentarily to take everything in. It was hard to believe he was actually here. That he had fought with the Avengers again and now he was here in the Tower and living and acting like he had before. Natasha was off in the corner talking to Bruce at the bar while mixing drinks. Tony and Thor were talking to Rhodey and a quick glance outside showed Bucky and Sam chatting like friends. He felt the last piece of the vice that had closed around his heart lift and he couldn’t help but think that things are going to actually be okay. He could do this. He could be an active member of the team and they _could_ live together in harmony. And now that the scepter was out of Hydra’s hands, the threats were dramatically lowered.

Perhaps their team could finally catch a break for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! I'm so happy my Stevie is finding some happiness now. And I'm loving that he's not really caring about the misery that Tony and Bucky are in. Ha! Take that jerk faces! ;-)


	11. A Note From Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no write?

Hey everyone! So long time no write eh? Over a year in fact.

For those of you who aren’t reading the Tony/Bucky-centric sister fic, here’s the cliff notes of my note from there. Sorry for the huge delay in writing. I honestly grew to hate this fic because I was trying so hard to write a story that made people happy and in the end, I was making me horribly unhappy. I wasn’t enjoying writing this and as a result, my work product suffered.

Truthfully, I almost nearly abandoned this entire thing and moved on because it was becoming so frustrating for me. I didn’t, obviously, instead I took a breather and did some soul searching and I really do want to finish this. I always swore I’d never be that writer who just abandons a fic and so I want to get back into this. What does that mean for you all who are reading this? Well, good news is I LOVE Steve/Captain America. He has always been my favorite so his happiness is 110% my priority. If you’re here, you probably care about his happiness too so that’s good news for us. I was just a huge chicken and didn’t want the wrath from the Tony/Bucky shippers on the other story and yeah, my writing we south.

I’m working on the next chapter and I’m happy to report it’s coming easier since I finally mapped this story out and got my endgame. No hints except Steve WILL get his happy ending.

So hang in there. I’m working on it. It’s coming and I’ll probably massively chicken out on the sister fic and turn on comment moderation and then never read them because I don’t want the hate. LoL.

Again, I’m SO sorry for the huge delay and I promise I’m working on it. You guys are amazing, thank you so much and I hope you stick around to see Steve get his happy ever after.

XoXo,

HallowsEve


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